My first story. Chrissy tries to seduce James only to learn that he won't cheat on his girlfriend. That quickly changes when Chrissy leaves something behind.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.00
- BE: 3.11
- Characters: 2.89
- Technical: 3.44
tsokei
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
I would like to echo Sinking Feeling's point about the guy being faithful and then suddenly deciding to cheat. A small problem in an otherwise great BE story.
12345
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
I liked it! It was an interesting way to go... You could of added more description about what Chemicals, even though it may be hard... And the sex scene was a bit short but I still liked it :)
Sinking Feeling
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
There were occasional words that were misspelled "promose."
The build up to the BE was nice, but the actual expansion left some to be desired (far better than some other stories I've seen this year).
James, however was what killed this for me. (A) revealing without foreshadowing what triggered more expansion was bad, (B) instantly deciding that he was going to spend a weekend to cheat on his gf after saying he wouldn't was lame.
Overall, this was better than many stories this year. Keep it up and add more tension to future stories by drawing out conversations in the background.
8008Fan
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
A fun, short story. Felt unfortunately a bit rushed once the significant breast growth happened but overall decent descriptions. As others have said, a little proofreading would be good, but hey, you're writing and we're enjoying so it's all good.
Looking forward to reading part 2! You have set it up nicely!
RapierStab
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Nicely done! As others have said, there is room for improvement, especially from a technical standpoint, but overall quite an enjoyable story.
fssfsfs
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Good story. I liked the end more than the beginning; there was quite a lot of setup (which had very concise individual sentences - "he got these chemicals and did this with them", but many of them) for a short sex scene. Would love to see some aftermath, or a little more tension during the sex scene after the main character went to all that work to set up the not-so-little surprise with his cum.
Keep writing; I'd read more.
crazysly
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Loved it but too short. The explanations could have been a pinch more detailed but wasn't detrimental to the overall story telling, I'm just being picky.
ktc
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
It's just a bit rough around the edges. Needs some amount of proofreading before but aside from that it's a good first story.
Barb
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
need to proofread and was to vague in some areas but was good over all. just keep at it and you will get there
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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