Part 2 of 5, "Growing Out": After Barbara's erroneously assuring visit to the town's midwife, Barbara and David indulge in Barbara's new voluptuousness and carnal hunger. As her ever-increasing desires begin to overwhelm David's abilities, he searches for a second opinion on the strange pendant and gets (bad-tempered) advice from someone my regular readers might recognize :-) ... Meanwhile, back home alone, another outbreak of multiple expansion hits Barbara as her strange visions once again cross over into her reality ... 12,500 words, HTML, previous part included, and gee, wouldn't your comment look so very good on the "Rate this" page? ;-)
Average Scores:
- Overall: 5.00
- BE: 4.86
- Characters: 5.00
- Technical: 5.00
MadMacs2010
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Really enjoyed this, I think I understand what I thought were mis-spellings in the previous part was simply a device to indicate dialect coloquialisms. Keep up the good work Paul
Viddaric
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
scurvy
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
One of the few stories where the characters actually grow on me (not just literally).
I really don't have any complaints about your writing style. I would prefer it that you devoted more words to describing Barbara's body and growth (not just her breasts but her butt as well, too few stories pay enough attention to a woman's bottom).
Other than that, great work!
Bahamad
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Great job.
The writing, motivation, characterization; they all feel like they flow well together. Only a few personal thoughts on a few things.
Barbara's perceived ignorance of her body's fluctuations is perhaps a little hard to swallow at times, but that could easily be an as-yet undefined backstory. The reason I say this is it feels similar to the main character in the Yrba series' initial state, but her personality and knowledge was developed/explained at the time her ignorance was introduced.
The other is the scene where multiple hands are changing/caressing her feels unclear, as the dream is not easy to visualize yet the hands and narrative seem to go into fairly explicit detail on certain sensations or blocks of text. The scene is still entertaining to read, but it reads like the purpose of the scene isn't clearly defined; is it to arouse, to evoke the more sinister feelings of being changed against her will, to provide a description of her body as it changes or merely how she envisions her body changing?
Thanks again for this chapter, I (and I'm sure plenty of others) are looking forward to the next installment.
drkt
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Incredible! Can't wait for the next part.
yup
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
ktc
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Absolutely fantastic. Can't wait for the next installment.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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