Well, when giving you an overall rating of 3, I was actually being nice. The story has potential. But I agree with other raters, you need to have a real plot. The readers of your story almost doesn't get to know anything about the characters at all. What you have delivered is basically no more than a brainstorm for a real story, with thoughts and actions, dialogue and a world around the main characters.
Nevertheless, i did enjoy your story, because it does show some promise. But I have to admit, I almost quit reading it the moment i opened the file.
You need to split the text into smaller sections otherwise it becomes hard to read. Comma is also a good thing to use. But most of all, please read somme books or good stories in English. Your spelling is so wrong that even I, who don't have Englis as my native language, would be ashamed to show it to my english teacher when i was in fifth grade and had only had Englis education for two years.
you are consistently misspelling words, and even using completelly wrong words. Sometimes it was only trough the context of the sentence that I understood what you meant.
Please, at least use a spellchecker. But do not trust it entirely. It is only a programe and only look for similarities in words. Therefore if you write something strange that is somewhat similar to two or more different words, you have no guarantie that the spellchecker will use the right word.
My best advise is to read as much real English as possible. and get yourself a decent dictionary. Do this, and I would be happy to read a fleshed out and easier to read version av this story.
Don't give up. I am sure you can get better at this. You allready have the most important thing. Immagination. The rest allthough important, is just presentation.
