My First story. This story is not for anyone under the age of 18 ( all though this is probably cleaner than most other MPCs)
This is not child erotica although it does feature Age progression from as young as eight.
This story does mention incest briefly although show disagreement with the concept.
There is not allot of explicit details but does contain amounts of small erotica. Inspired by Master PC (yeh i know, very original).
Jessica finaly got a chance to go on her bros Pc but she unearths a dark lie by doing so.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 1.86
- BE: 1.86
- Characters: 1.71
- Technical: 1.57
MPC fan
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
would really like to see where this goes
Daichi Azure
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
First off, this could have used a good long proofreading and editing since it was a wall of text.
Secondly, you were too focused on if A happens, then B is the result in the dialogue for the characters.
Thrid, the process was too much a POOF than it slowly progressing so give the reader something to enjoy.
Fourth, the characters were to bland, emotional neutered sort to say since the only emotion seen was a bit of rage when she found out what happened.
Lastly, we as a reader should see a mix of first person and thrid person in a work of literature for a sense of this is what is going on in front of this character or around these, this, or that character the story. Also when you have a BE or anything of that sort you need to have a reaction of the 'victim' of the change pre, during and post changes.
Roid Abuser
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Tenant
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
I thought this was pretty good albeit a little short. The typos were not frequent after the first paragraph or so and the author has an interesting story to unfold. I would agree that giving, at least, your main character more thoughts would buff your story. Pretty good 1st. Hope to see more soon.
Artemisa
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Proper paragraph breaks, and spell checking are at minimum needed. You can actually understand the story once you do.
The story also has a lot of "Report talk" where "this" happens, then "that" happens. There could be a lot more if there was some focus on how the main characters felt about what was happening.
For instance, It would be much better to have a first person perspective of the brother having sex and then pleading after his changes, than an off hand account of Jessica watching it happen on the little screen...
mandy
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
we really should be allowed to give negative numbers.
Catfish
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
There may be a good idea in here, but I can't find it - desperately needs proofreading. (Note: Ideally, I would have given an "N/A" or "incomplete" grade for all but technical quality, but that's not an option.)
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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