The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

z KLud
chicki on vacation
Average Scores:

Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Despite the low rating, I think your core idea for the story is good. You really need to get another writer to co-write with, or a very good editor, or both.

Right now the good ideas are hampered by a lack of detail, overly long sentences and no paragraphs.
Spend a little more word count clarifying and expanding on the things that are happening and that alone will improve it significantly.

Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Seems like an outline.

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

Horrible writing but good concept. Barely readable.

Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

Way too much math involved, but seems better than the first attempt. Or is this a series now, I can't really tell because of how poorly written it is. The gist of it is good, just needs some actual writing ability/language knowledge.

Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

Awful. Like an 8 year old who's first language is not English. I can dig what's happening in the story, but it's so poorly written that it drowns out all the hot weirdness.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Just. Plain. Terrible.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

Well, I have seen much, much,MUCH worse!
That said, it was still tiresome to read. No paragraphs, and a lot of incomplete sentences, mede this a hassle to read.

It is a pitty, since the concept of the story is a great one. and I sort of liked the story, despite its many faults.

I recommend that you get yourself a good Beta. Preferably one that has English as their native language. Because if the faulty grammar and spelling were fixed, this would be a pretty nice story.

Russian Judge
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

Nice that you made this a PDF. Not so nice that you didn't write with paragraphs! The lines all run together, making an unreadable block of type. (As long as PDF's contain their own fonts, you might also want to write in some serifed font like Times or Garamond - sanserif fonts don't read as easliy.)

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

Fun stuff! PE and BE together are great. More detail in the changes would be welcome. The machine translation really decreases my ability to understand what's going on. Highly recommend you find someone who can translate what looks to be a fun series!

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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