The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

CJ
Fairly Odd Mother - Continued
A continuation of the story line with Tommy. His hot cousins are in town and they hang out at the beach. What could possibly happen with endless wishes and Tommy's love of big boobs? Check out the expanding fun!
Average Scores:

Crocscraah
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Woulda been nice if there were more detail in the actual growth. Also, Kat's little exclamation is just the thing there needs to be more of, but so good that you have it in there!

Cmdr_Mark
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 2, Technical= 4

Couldn't really tell one cousin from the other, are they supposed to be twins? He'd previously said he wasn't interested in his cousins, but in this one that's all different with no real reason.

A minor point, he never wishes for them to STOP being horny, so are they stuck at this level of horny?

Wah wah
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

More character detail and a longer story. Get his mom involved!

RapierStab
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

Few technical mistakes, but mostly minor. Watch the POV switching, that can be distracting. Story telling, though, is quite good. Characters are a bit wooden, but in the setting one almost expects that. I'd also agree that some "wish gone awry" angle would probably work well.

All in all: keep up the good work! Can't wait for more.

Roid Abuser
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

I liked this one and the original; the deal with the Fairly Odd Parents' stories is his wishes usually went wrong and were not mere wish fulfillment.

For example, I recall one of the actual shows being about Timmy wanting to be the "biggest most muscular" guy on the beach. This went well for while --- with Timmy becoming a stud and getting the requisite female attention --- until a the "Arnold" character came on the beach -- and he became too large --- and then an elephant came from the circus, and a whale, etc --- resulting in him becoming a monster.

Sloppy wishes could be quite humerous and sexy at the same time.

Perhaps he and his girlfriend were going to be "sexier than everyone on the beach" -- and Ms. Universe pagent comes for the bikini shoot. Etc.

Eth
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

I loved it like the first one. You need to pay attention to some of the sentence structure however.

ramunes
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

please write more i really thought it was really good

knivesjc
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Keep going good stuff

a fan
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

you better write more. this is the best stuff posted in a long time.

deus
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

Another good few chapters. There were a few little typo/editing mistakes. Also, DD is the same as E. I just mention it because you used both sizes in the story so I wasn't sure if you were aware.

Tristero
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

Very good although all of the women are a little interchangeable. I often had trouble distinguishing the girlfriend Kat from the cousins. The CPR is quite a shock. Shit got almost too real. I would just develop the personalities of your characters.

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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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