Tommy is about to turn 18. His father said to be careful what he wished for. Tommy gains a new magical God Mother that grants bra breaking wishes. See how Tommy's new GMILF opens up a world of BE fantasy.
I liked this story after I'd edited it...ALL of it. I didn't think the writing flowed. I had problems with the descriptions of the characters, and the BE, and the story actively shifts from 3rd person omniscient perspective, to 1st person perspective, BACK to 3rd person, and so on. This could have been an excelent story, and I can see all of its potential, but the writing needs to be practiced and get a LOT better.
Cool! You have answered. I'll take a quote! The meaning of life and everything else. Decided. No kidding!....
the only thing i think this story could have used was some detail on how young all the girls are.
I loved it! you should make on where he goes to university and does some crazy stuff in a boring class and have ana invovled
Good stuff!
i quite liked this one cant wait to see more from this universe there was few earrors but i dont want to pile on
great story line. keep 'em coming.
The story was quite enjoyable and I want to read another. As far as technical aspects, who cares. It's a fantasy BE story, have fun writing it, have fun writing the next five chapters. I want to read something that tittilates and excites. I don't care about the grammar and such, I'm looking for a good time. Keep it coming!
I agree with most of the other comments about the lack of technical writing, BUT I also agree that there should be a sequel (or two) :).
To CJ : DO NOT let what is said here get you down, we are ONLY trying to help YOU improve your writing skills so you can write better looking stories. I think that the majority of the commenters WANT to see you succeed in this effort, I KNOW I do :)
PLEASE keep writing, because I CAN'T wait for the next chapter of this cool story!
Grammar IS important, guys. (And any girls out there as well.) It shows you care about your writing, and want to make sure people read it. There's enough illiterate crap out there on the Web. As for this story, it's a perfect idea. I also like that Timmy briefly experienced being a woman, but disappointed that he didn't try sex with a man in that state. Suggestion: he should not go to college just yet, but should "help out" the guys and girls in his high school. And make sure those characters are solid enough that you are rooting for them to receive Timmy's "help."
Great story with a creative plot. Your grammar could use some work but it's certainly not unreadable and I otherwise enjoyed the general writing style.
I'd definitely read a sequal.
Improve? Since when did reading breast growth stories come down to only being grammatically correct? With this kind of feedback it's no wonder no one is writing any new stories.
What story are you guys reading? Holy shit, get some standards, this is a technical nightmare and some of the laziest writing I've seen recently. Otherwise the author will never hope to improve, if he has you people shouting praise at this mess.
hope to read more chapters on this one
not bad
i would like more
Can I request an RTF version of this story...?
Couldn't get past the grammer, and change of view from 3rd to 1st. Things also happened way too fast, no build up hardly.
Good first attempt, just need to slow down, flesh things out and make a real story.
Technical Quality aside, this was fantastic and I'd love to read more.
I enjoyed this one and would love more! You need to clean it up a bit however. Barely any quotations where they're needed, and the sudden switch from third person to first person was a little off at first. Try and slow down a little when you're writing and these issues might go away.
Otherwise I really enjoyed it.
I'm sorry, but I don't know what story you guys were reading. There were to many incidents of quotes not being there when they should have, to the point that I couldn't tell if a character was talking or it was part of the narration. Also, at several points in the story the narration jumped from third person (Tommy did or felt this.) to first person (I did or felt this.). Now, this could have been more examples of the first problem, but either way it was painful to try and go through.
very nice story hope to see more soon from ya
It felt so wrong knowing what this was parodying but I certainly enjoyed it. I feel you could do better on descriptions, and you had some grammar mistakes here and there. Overall its definitely a 5, nice short story addition to the site.
Very nice. I've actually day dreamed about this show myself.