This is my first story.
It is about Garet. A Young man who has recently moved to San Diego Cali, when his girlfriend, and other friends begin telling him about a strange dark place that is haunted Garet wants to prove to them that a true man doesn't get scared.
What's the worst that can happen.... Right?
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.11
- BE: 3.78
- Characters: 4.00
- Technical: 3.33
Oceans
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Other than the points brought up by others who gave constructive criticism, I would have liked to have seen the story extend another chapter or 2 beyond the final scene. All in all, good job and please keep writing.
Juan
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Unreadable due to "docx" file format. Do not download as this file is impossible to get rid of once unzipped.
fari
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 2
Great story with plenty of details and a nice mental transformation coupled with growth and tg. It does have some fairly major grammar and word choice issues.
BothOarsinH2O
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Really enjoyed the story. Some small spelling and grammatical errors detracted from the readability a bit, but overall a very nice job. A little extra proofreading and you're right on the money.
STEPHENIE
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Snikt
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
I loved it so very much! Was hoping for a bit more growth, since you never see it paired with tg, but this was amazing.
mtmind714
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
great story, please write more. nice johnny cash reference. always like the song a boy named sue. ;)
jrepg
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
I'm only half way through, but a couple of mistakes stand out. You keep using spouse when you should use supposed. Spouse is the person you are married to, as in my wife is my spouse.
You also used ampule instead of ample. An ampule is a small vial of something like medicine. So an ampule of growth hormone could lead to ample tits.
I am really enjoying the story, so please keep writing, and please take what I said as constructive, since just a small bit of additional polish, and you'd have a great story.
Vengeance1980
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
This was sooooooo close to hitting on all the right cylinders. I could see that this was perhaps inspired by Ed Miller's Haunted House!
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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