thegreygreyman@gmail.com
Part 3: The Forgone Conclusion is included.
The story gets out-of-hand as our nameless protagonist, who I am sorry if people thought was meant to be a hero of some kind, literally dominates and subjugates the Solar System itself. In this, the Complete Epic, parts 1&2 have been proofread by the lovely Yashmen Halfcount; please go check out her works if you have time. Part 3 was not proofread. I would just like to comment that I feel that part 1 is the best. I am worried that writing the other parts might have taken away from part 1, but I did have fun writing them. Some things are, after all, meant to be taken too far.
Sincerely,
Mr. GreyMan
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.00
- BE: 3.80
- Characters: 4.00
- Technical: 4.20
Prince Hotbod
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Dude fucked the sun...
Awesome story ha!
IamWhoIam
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
so Second had a plan all along...thats pretty awesome
MashedYams
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
I have an ambiguous relationship with this story. See the opening of the first section really misled me. I believed that our protagonist would have heart (HashTag said it best in the first part of Alien to Ambition). As it so happens, TheGreyMan was lavishing near loving detail on First's eyes and face just so as soon as The GreyMan let his protagonist take a dip in the proverbial cookie jar of transformations, our protagonist could shock us by double stuffing (shout out to Yash) his balls, putting the sperm production facilities in overdrive so he could coat first First's face (note the first vs. First play) in cum, then make the bitch choke, on his cum, then cripple every bitch of First's race, dipping them in his lukewarm cum bath and finally going on to fill the entire galaxy with his seed (had to check the synopsis to make sure I wasn't spoiling plot. AM NOT).
I was able to fap and laugh to this, which I think is the point, not conflict or friendship but over-the-top actions. The story situates itself clearly in the realm of irony. First hires the protagonist to show them ambition and he gives First the motherload (excuse the puns).
Roid Abuser
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
I guess I am the odd duck out here; for me sex is about sex, not conquest or domination (except as is necessary or a joyful part of sex), so this did little for me, at least as fap material goes.
It was, however, well written, as so I'll look at it as literature. As far a "good story" goes, it lacks conflict. The protagonist had no internal struggle, so he was not fighting himself. Nor was their an outside force with which to contend, except perhaps hinted at in the last sentence.
Good stories (in constrast to pure fap material) have conflict, friendship, something.
I like Tuna
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
An overall wicked tale of epic proportions. I greatly enjoyed the over the top wish fulfillment theme. The only criticism is that it came to and end.
I think you could have spend more time drawing out the total sexual conquest of the world by the uber stud. Although I did get a kick out of the raping of the sun. Totally twisted.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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