The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Mr. GreyMan
thegreygreyman@gmail.com
Alien to Ambition-Part 2
Our nameless protagonist's appetites and ambitions increase in this story as he subjugates a race of willing female aliens. Don't read this one if you didn't like the first one. It is no doubt suffers from the same kind of technical errors and is a dark tale, which will only get darker.
Average Scores:

Lion God
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 3

Excellent. Barley*Barely, though.

IamWhoIam
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

As previously stated: on of the best stories in a long while. Really like the protagonist train of thought, if possible give "second" a more megalomaniac underpersonality thats part of her new ambition, providing a partner and counter to the protagonist.

Anonymous
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3

I would like some more description of the size of their breasts, specifically relative to common objects (bean bags, exercise balls, etc).
I think you should keep the girth of the shaft to be no wider than the slimmest part of the women's bodies, so 16 inches around. Larger than that, and I feel like the women are more like snakes than people.
If you post part 3 and specifically request that it be proofread, I'm sure myself or another person here will be kind enough to go through it and list a bunch of changes. Then, you can make those changes and post an improved version.
These are all just suggestions. I really loved the sandbox feel of the story, like anything's possible, and the personality of the characters involved.

I found this to be the most enticing story that I've read here in months, so congratulations!

Mr. GreyMan
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 1

I don't know if there is any kind of faux pas about rating your own story, but I did want to respond to some of the words said here. Thank all of you that responded, be it good or bad.

@deux_anges/Roid Abuser
Well, I will have to say that the planned 3rd part will, in fact, be mostly megalomania driven. Honestly, Roid Abuser, I am going to have to agree with you that I might have taken it a bit too far size wise with the body parts. I will, however, not be back sliding on what was written, but will try to keep it as such for the Earth takeover part(should be interesting since he can't have sex with any human women as is). I also think that taking things a bit too far is kinda a motif of the story. I can guaranty it all of this will likely be taken too far in the yet to be written third (and final) installment, for good or ill.

@ANYONE: I would really like if anyone was interested in (and had time to) proof read these two versions, and maybe the yet to be written 3rd one. Please email me if you have any interest in that.

Balzar
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

I thought the megalomania was pretty hot! I kinda want to see how far the main character can push his megalomania. Look forward to the invasion and world conquest. LOL

Splott
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

Absolutely freakin' awesome, the best thing to hit the OFB in a looooong time. Looking forward to part 3!

Roid Abuser
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

I didn't mind the meglomania at all. Of course, I'm a guy who likes stories of the Hulk & Superman's powers being permantly drained by Lex Luthor, who goes on to fuck Wonderwoman, Supergirl, and the rest.

If I had a quibble it was going beyond vaguely-realistic proportions (e.g., a 4ft long penis, bean bag boobs). Really good sex is half gymnastics and generally requires a fit girl and normalish-sized body parts.

cman
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 3

Super exciting story. I'm looking forward to more :)

Erazor
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 3

Will there be a part 3?

deux_anges
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 3

Funny thing, I think I enjoyed this one less than the first part. Mainly I did not like the megalomania of the protagonist.
Nevertheless, the descriptions of the bodies is still as good as before, although again I would like a bit more BE and BE descriptions.
Also, there are still a few problems with the spelling. These are mainly things that would not be caught by a spell checker such as:
"to be thinking strait" should be "straight". It might be worth getting someone to proof-read beforehand.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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