thegreygreyman@gmail.com
This version has less errors in it, please delete the other one.
My first attempt at the genre. I hope people find it pleasing. This story is about a cunning boy that, finding himself in very unusual circumstances, uses manipulation to achieve his desired end. I hope people find it a refreshing twist on an old theme.
Please comment!
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.22
- BE: 3.11
- Characters: 3.67
- Technical: 3.33
HashTag
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 2
I really loved your opening, all the details that you lavished on First's face. Your hero had heart. Then I come to find after the transformation that our hero wanted her to barely be able to walk after she changed. What the fuck? Your story and way of speaking has an undying charm, but why the fuck would he practically cripple her? Did the alien language interact with his mind and will him to subjugate the first (get it?) thing he laid eyes on? I'm not bashing you on the transformation itself. I've enjoyed more perverted shit. It is more a problem with the shift in the thoughts of your character. Up to this point, I had no clue that he wanted her to be forced to crawl wherever she went. I am unsure unfortunately how you could have fixed this problem. Clue us into his perversions earlier?
Roid Abuser
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Very nice. Very nice, indeed.
deux_anges
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
I liked the plot, flowed well and kept me interested. There were some spelling errors that would probably not have been picked up by a spell checker, like words which are correctly spelt but mean a different thing.
The descriptions of the bodies are very good, but would have also liked more BE and more breat play.
Erazor
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I liked the story :)
Have you thought about a continuation of the story?
E
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
T really liked the story. it is unique, has good plot, simply great.
Dilandau
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 2
I should note that as of Office 2007 SP2, Microsoft Office has native support for Open Document files. There are also conversion tools that you can find fairly easily on Google.
The story itself was pretty nice; your physical descriptions are good, but I personally don't like the lack of a process by having all the BE happen in off-screen body switches.
There are still a number of mistakes; the words are spelled correctly, but they're not always the words you wanted, sometimes with unintentional humorous effect. Keep writing and you'll keep improving!
Quars
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Firstly: Enjoyed the story, the length, however the BE was a bit too....sudden. Not in terms of storyline, but time taken. Regardless, good story
Secondly: Vidd....get open office or something, come on.
Anonymous
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Viddaric is an idiot that needs to learn about programs other than MS word, and not rating things a 1 that he hasn't read he hasn't read.
Viddaric
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Wish I could say I read this, but I can't. I have no idea what format you put this in, but it doesn't open on my computer.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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