For those of you who have been sticking with the series, (I’m talking to some of you out there who are sticking to my writing tighter than tempura to a frying pan), I’ve got a real sizable addition. Unlike the last two chapters, there’s actually a multitude of transformations in this one. And the humor and unique characters haven’t gone anywhere either.
If, by chance, I am also addressing someone who is ducking my writings, I encourage you to take a peeking starting at page eleven. This part is low in cumulative plot-esterol but high in spontaneous sex and transformat-otonin. Then if you like what you see you can go back to page one or even the series’ beginning, “Creme Puff”.
Whatever y’all are reading out there, keep it sleazy. Average Scores:
- Overall: 2.33
- BE: 1.67
- Characters: 2.00
- Technical: 2.67
Bahamad
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
I thought the premise of the story was good, though the layout needs some work. Overall the grammar and technical execution seemed well done, though the character interactions felt scattered, with the flow from scenes/shots to others felt confusing to me as a reader.
I'm very interested in the setting of the mysterious kitchen and its chefs, particularly if this continues to be a potential tie-in with the Creme environment (still looking forward to the flexible twist effect mentioned in the first installment).
Aitchbee
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 3
Interesting use of different fonts but the one used to start the story literally hurts my eyes.
BB47
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
Yash's narrations are an acquired taste. If you liked "A Clockwork Orange" by Anthony Burgess, then you may like her writing style. 'Innuendo explosion' is the operative word here. So much so - that you basically have to give up the ghost on looking for a solid, straight forward description and just try to follow it the best you can. Same thing goes for plot line.. it appears to be arranged in scenes. I had trouble finding the BE. Unless I'm way off, a security officer is watching certain scenes unfold from a monitor and then the story zooms into to explain the interactions; which are fraught with innumerous food references and analogies.. leaving me to wonder if there is a specific "food+sex"-perversion-story-archive that these stories would be better received into?
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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