The Overflowing Bra

As always, Yash's writing is extremely provocative and erotic.  In this installment, Hannah the secretary seduces the muscle-bound but mentally slow, Tendon while Thunk sneaks off to read the script and character list for an upcoming film they are going to make.  The BE occurs during the seduction.  It's not long and if you read it twice you'll get the rhythm of the narrative.  I encourage Yash to give us much more expansion and to let us savor Hannah's body and sexuality even a little bit more.  The part where she'd rather be masturbating in the lady's room is hot, but would be nice if you'd give us even more.

I feel like you're trying to sell four or five stories at once.

This was a strange one.  The first half has quite a bit of interesting build up (both sexually and in terms of the envelope element) and the characters were all pretty interesting and fun, but the shooting script shift in the second half brings the story down a notch or two.  Although an interesting idea, it interrupts the only sex scene in Double Stuffed and, more importantly, is a little annoying to read.  The difficultly comes right at your with that first scene (INT. SAUSAGE SHOP KITCHEN) having so many brackets, crossed out lines, and camera directions.  My sleepy state probably didn't help matters, but just looking at the beginning of the screenplay section made me feel like it was going to be a chore to read.  That said, later scenes read more smoothly and big nosed girl's mention and the potential women list round out the story nicely.

This installment was a little difficult to follow, though I can see how it might relate to the previous one.  One thing that's a bit of concern is how cluttered the downloaded zip file is.  You might want to consider clearing out all those unnecessary files to make it easier to find each new chapter of the story you've written.