My second story!
Steve (not that it matters, his name is only mentioned once) finds the 'fold' in his local mall. A trip to the SRU Discount Outlet later and Steve finds out hes the Magister. There is a small notice before the story starts. I suggest reading it before reading the story. .rtf only (sorry people, I like word pad.)
-Enjoy
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.57
- BE: 3.29
- Characters: 3.00
- Technical: 2.43
Rayees
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
you need to install the jaepnase characters in vista. for installing-go to control panel and then updates..in updates there should be optionals, if not make sure you show optionals and that you didn’t hide them.there will be a bunch of language packs. install the Japanese one.(think that’s for decoding jaepnase)——-for a jaepnase font, just go here and download..orGo to Regional and Language Options -> Keyboards and Languages -> Change Keyboards, you can add Japanese language hereJapanese language software is available onBest site.
Can't Stop This
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Mr. Chills
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 1
Good story, looking forward to reading more, but get some one to proofread it first.
Yossarian
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 1
The intro was kind of a tipoff...if you don't care enough to proofread your own story, why should we read it?
Catfish
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
I'm in agreement with the previous reviewer that the description of the transformations is good, and I really like the idea of the dice being the instrument of magic.
However, this story could have really, really used a proofreader, for reasons other than paragraph structure. For example, what I'm assuming is supposed to be "pendant" is misspelled "pennant" throughout (very noticeable since it's one of the crucial objects in the box), although I was most amused by the fact that "clothes" is misspelled twice, in consecutive sentences, in two different ways ("close" and "cloths").
I would highly suggest asking on the forum or elsewhere for someone willing to proofread this story (as well as future installments), and submitting a revised version with the spelling errors corrected.
Bezare1
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Nice story Kinda fun SRU, what adventures does she get into and what responsiblities?
R@gnaroCker
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Yeah, you mentioned a breakdown in paragraph structure.
e.g.
"Chose to make milk until you give birth, then keep yourself
at a month. Or let it go and progress rapidly."
Doesn't make any sense at all.
With a relatively short two chapters, one would hope you would've had the time to make corrections. You desciption was your only saving grace in the story.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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