I'm still alive! Another story, this one fits in with my Last Defender stories, though having read those isn't necessary for this one.
Let me know what you think, I can be found easier over on deviantART as GenkoKitsu
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.67
- BE: 3.33
- Characters: 2.67
- Technical: 3.00
GN
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
Proofread a bit more. Lots of obvious grammatical errors.
The last sentence was just a waste of writing. Why is it even there other than as some sort of twisted shock value?
Bahamad
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
I thought the expansion pieces were good. A little more development on framing up the scenario would have helped, but you did fill on blanks through dialogue.
The descriptions of the sex scenes felt like they avoided being gratuitous and still managed to generate heat so nicely done there.
I think tossing in the last sentence felt jarring where the sentence felt more like an attention getting/shock value device rather than something to actually enhance the story.
Overall, I say thanks and look forward future contributions and hope you will continue to write and develop what appears to be a good start in the community.
by the books
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Not poorly written, but I think more detail could be given in the expansion. It all happens a bit fast. More of a personal thing in that I dislike stories involving pregnancy and room filling breasts, but I can't really complain about that so much when it's just down to preference. Overall, not a bad story, just could be a little better, I think.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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