The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Zero Zyzzyx
You Get What You Pay For
A hard-luck guy goes to a bar to try to get a handle on his problems.  Instead, they seem to get a handle on him.
Average Scores:

Anna Erins
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I thought that it was a good story and look forward to the next one.

Dictionary Rainbow
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

More than first person, present tense threw me off, but is was wicked and full of dirty stuff I like

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5


Thanks for experimenting.

Very arousing.

I'd love to see more works in the future.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Didn't mind the use of the first tense, I think it was an interesting way to do things

Zero Zyzzyx
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

The reason for the use of first person present was because I wanted to focus on the thought process of the narrator, and to describe his/her perspective as it altered. For the same reason, I couldn't use past tense, because the character has no past: since he/she is constantly changing, there's no way to relate what's already happened. Finally, the terse sentences and the constant use of "I" are meant to imbue a sense of insanity.

I know it's a little disorienting to read, but I figured that since it's free porn, I could try to stretch past the boundaries of vanilla narration. Obviously, though, I didn't pull it off. I'll try something a little more conventional next time.

Hopefully Helpful
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

First-person present tense is awkward to read through for the length of this story. First person essentially means the focal character is telling their story directly to the reader, but in that case they should be relating things that already happened to them, i.e. past tense. Present tense can be okay if the story is relatively short, but not for something this long.

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

I think you used "I" to much. If you're doing a first person story after you establish it's a first person you can stop using "I" as much.

Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

I did enjoy reading the story! I'm just not sure where it took me. Was there really BE in there, or was that TG? Or was it SRUs? Constructive criticism: tighten up the story a little, decide which of these you want to write about, then do it. I saw the beginings of 3 stories in there. It seems you have the ability to write a compelling tale. You just need to refine/edit/develop.

Big Dick
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4


Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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