The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

(Un)Wanted Desires (illustrated, PDF format)
(Un)Wanted Desires is my first story I actually managed to complete to a state I found worth posting.
I've more work (bits and pieces) laying around, but incomplete and not ready to be posted.
I hope I may find the inspiration form feedback on this story (both positive and negative) that will stimulate me to try and complete them to post worthy material.

(Un)Wanted Desires is about two lovers who are trying through the use of mystical rituals to summon "Lady Desire". But things don't completely go as planned.
Average Scores:

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

you could have used adobe or microsoft works to correct some of the mistakes. it really wouldn't take much of an effort,considering your condition.great job.

A. Nonymous
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 2

Pretty good! A few technical problems: I noticed a typo or two, and the text overlapped the background frame. Other than that, keep it up! I'd like to see what you're working on next!

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

I loved the story yes there were a couple of typos, but I thought it was excellent, especially for a first time writer. I actually prefer PDF files. Usually the pictures tend to detract, but yours were great! Keep it up!

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I couldn't read it, for whatever reason all I could see was a frame where it looked like words belonged. Could you, in the future, upload a .doc as well?

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 2

You got my e-mail, so I won't elaborate too much more. Same advice as the others gave you. The imagination is there, I can see it. Keep practicing.

Dan Standing
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Really enjoyed it - I always get a kick out of stories where the characters get in over their heads. Nice descriptions, and I certainly enjoyed the included illustrations - thanks for going above and beyond on that! Formatting/grammar has been mentioned a few times, and I won't say it wouldn't be helpful, but I will say even the best writer needs proofreading so don't feel like that's anything anyone else doesn't need, too!

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

Simple in a nice way. I like the lady of desire coming off more like a spirit and less like a demon. The Penis expansion was hot too. Work on your spelling errors. The pics were nice. You did good in my book!

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

I like your style but there is not much to it then growing. You should make it longer with daily life, consequenses or advantages. Very good but should be longer.

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

a well made effort. Thankfully you mentioned the Dyslexia and Language isues or I would not have had the patience to read all the way through. as others have said, a proof reader will definately help. The Ideas are great! Keep expanding upon them. Finally, Kudos for taking the step of not letting your disability stifle your creativity!!!

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3

Your effort and enjoyment in writing this shows. But there are times where it shows that english isn't your first language as you stated. Mainly with incorrect conjugations of words. To improve your stories I would have someone proof read it. Please continue to write.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I can see that you put a lot of effort into this, and the formatting is probably more fanciful than I'd ever seen from this site, but... honestly, your poor grasp on the English language (which you did explain) detracted from my personal enjoyment of this story. Ask if someone could proofread it for you next time, maybe? All that said, don't give up.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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