felinoid37@hotmail.com
Maria is a socially awkward girl who loves going to the Renaissance Festival but is too shy to really get into it, until a purchase from a new vendor starts to change things….
First chapter of hopefully at least 3-4. First submission so commentary is appreciated. BE does start out a little slow in this chapter as I was focusing on the plot development but should pick up. I'm uploading in 3 different formats so hopefully nobody will have an issue reading it.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.63
- BE: 4.16
- Characters: 4.53
- Technical: 4.37
Bb47
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Denjou
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I had a lot of fun with this!
Fat Cat
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Great Story. I can't wait to get the concluding chapters. I hope it is soon.
Aging Cream For Men
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Edidn`t think about that. I'll tell my mother, she won`t believe it..!
Signal Peak Energy
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
IjiRd4 Yeah� I read and I understand that I do not understand anything what it is about:D
Chaos Master
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I LOVED IT!! please keep writing these kinds of stories, especially this one. keep up the good work!
J.Stacy
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Its nice to see a writer who really cares about plot. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
eyeguy
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Never apologize for taking the time to develop plot and characters.
shifter1977
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I loved this, especially as a first story. It sounds like it could happen at one of the local Renne Faires. I also like that it is going fairly slowly with the growth (at least to start), and find myself curious how Maria will react if she ever actually feels her body changing, instead of just waking up with it having happened?
Mr. Justaguy
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
A hell of a good first story. I for one actually really like the slow BE it's nice when a story doesn't skip right over the medium sizes on the way to biggness. Very good character developement and some fun BE and mind effects really looking forward to the next chapter. If I had a constructive criticism it would be that I'd like to see a little more dialogue about or surrounding the BE I know were still building up to it but I'd love to see how the other characters react to Maria's changes.
gamer2113
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Good 1st part. Really like the character development. It makes you feel like you really know Maria. Can't wait for the second chapter.
MrHHH
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
What a great start! I'm looking forward to the rest!
maybeenuf4u
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I really liked the story. Starts slow, but by the end my imagination is running wild!
In the interest of constructive criticism IMHO you should have brought her to a D by the end of ch 1.
deus
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
A good start. I'm looking forward to the next part!
Silussa
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I like plot with my BE, and this story's BE is part of the story, not the sole reason for it.
chase
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
JM
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Really enjoying the slow build up of this story, nice plot and intersting next chapters, I hope!
BEVamp
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
As someone who loves good plot development, a good backstory, and great BE, this is my kind of story.
Oh, well... that and I should mention that I have been a Ren Faire vendor for 20 years as this year.
If you need any help with additional plot points or ideas, feel free to send me a message. be.vampire@gmail
I wrote a few renfaire based stories over at the Unending BE ADDventure, so I still have some plot points worth covering...
tth
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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