kylestjoe@sbcglobal.net
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.50
- BE: 2.50
- Characters: 2.00
- Technical: 3.50
oxriff
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
liked the story, but like Bahamad said the female character didn't have much of a personality to change after the bomb in the first place. also, i prefer to read the transformation as it is happening, not as it is, er, implied, if you will, like saying that she felt for some reason like she was getting far from the guy, although i guess that depends on what the writer finds sexier. keep it up!
Bahamad
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
I like the off-shoot perspective, and the change in formatting is definitely an improvement. I might suggest a bit more differentiation between chapters if you're going to use a plaintext format such as a few extra carriage returns to white space.
The physical process felt like it focused more on the male and less on the female, with what seemed to be more mental change on the female side of things without actually saying as such. The only problem I felt was there wasn't a pre-change sexual personality for the female to compare against in regards to libido.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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