This is the first part of what I hope will be a three part series, it stars a scientist who gets lost in the heart of the Amazon and undergoes a bit of a... Change for the better. There's not much action in this, but more in the installments to come
Also please note that the image I mentioned is available only in the .doc version of the story because MS word's html converter hates me.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.44
- BE: 3.00
- Characters: 3.33
- Technical: 3.56
anonymous
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
tstar
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 3
Sam
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Your writing mechanics suck, your story is unoriginal, and the format is in docx because you're a complete moron. None of those three things are Microsoft's fault.
Maybeenuf4u
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I'm ready for cocoon pt 2. I think you are ready too! I was drawn in by the story, and the characters. Keep at it.
SavageCabbage
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I liked your story, but it feels like this area has been covered so much already. I want to see you develop your own style with this, but don't rush it. Great start!
pleasure
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I liked your story a lot, it is very well written, and indeed captivating.
Your descriptions are very vivid, and you build the tension nicely.
I am waiting for the next chapters !
jjkkll;;
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Despite what the previous two guys said, I think your story is above and beyond the quality of some of the other authors that contribute to this website. Keep it up!
Glancer
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Interesting idea! Feels a bit rushed, more like a concept or first draft. Leaving "I'll write it later" in the text can do that to a story ;)
I'd suggest to try and add a little more variation in the descriptions. And, what anonymous below said: Stringing sentences with , and ; is ... well, not so good. You've got the imagination, which is good. The form is a bit lacking. You need to polish the writing a bit more. Keep going. Like I said, it's an interesting idea.
anonymous
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Fewer commas, more periods.
"""
The trouble had all started the moment she lost sight of the Jurua river, a large tributary of the Amazon. The expedition wasn’t supposed to have lasted this long. She was supposed to have returned two months ago, a mere four months after touching down in Caruari, but apparently fate had one twisted sense of humor.
Michelle was never cut out to be an explorer. She was a doctor, a research physician, really. She had never expected herself to have become so lost so many miles from civilization. Things had started out well enough: she was there as part of a research team, a dedicated corps of doctors and scientists attempting to find answers to some of today’s greatest medical problems in the heart of the Amazon rainforest.
"""
Run-on sentences are not sexy.
Later on:
"""
She was about...
She started...
She started...
She flipped...
"""
Repetition isn't either!
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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