The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Very Free
Two Legged Pharmacy 1
Miriam gets inducted and meets her roommate, Kayla.  I hope this is better than the first story I uploaded; I worked a bit harder on it.  I'm working on a second part, so don't expect everything in this part.  Please leave feedback; email any constructive criticism to my Yahoo acct, veryfree333.
Average Scores:

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

Interesting. The story shows promise, though I would recommend clearing up your narrative style. Right now, it's rather percussive, without a good flow.

Also, those images are HORRIBLE. Seriously. WTF? NOT ATTRACTIVE!

Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

Please go on. Eagerly waiting for further developing...

Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

First - please read a style guide. There are many grammatical problems here and all of them are easy to catch and fix.
Second- please proofread your story. There are many times where I read sentences over again because there was not proper details in them (many sentences would be describing different nouns without transition).
Third - The story is good and has plenty of potential. With proofreading and better character action, this could do well
Fourth - Show, don't tell. There are lots of internet resources to help you
Fifth - get rid of the pictures, they don't help, and they aren't yours. I think they're from VBH article

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

Your comments on the story: