This is my first BE story. Please let me know what you think about my writing style and if I should keep going beyond the intro!
I must admit, the webmaster has written cool..!
I really like the idea. Please develop this more!
Grammar Hound is on the right track, and the ridiculously long comment that chastises him is retarded. Not because of the bad grammar, but because of how damn wrong it is.
Bad grammar stifles creativity, because nobody will understand the picture you're trying to paint if they can't understand it. You WANT to publish something people will enjoy, and we WANT to enjoy what you post. All that remains between the two is for you to do some proofreading, or ask a friend for help.
Not that I'm saying you should re-upload this with corrections, but rather look to your next project and see what you can do to fix it. You'll get this, I'm sure.
Unless you're entertained by idiots arguing via the comment system.
Oh, and the story WAS good. Don't let internet trolls get you down.
GrammarHound and anyone who agrees with it, is an idiot.
I read some crap form Ogdan Nash, he clearly has no talent because his grammar is atrocious.
It so obvious that grammar is what matters not content. If anyone out there wants to be creative, don't bother, just have good grammar so some jack wad like GrammarHound or his friends don't have their need for being right fulfilled.
My grammar sucks as I'm sure GrammarHound will point out and feel fulfilled by. Screw creativity, there is no need for that, just good grammar. Don't you just love reading the phone book? I love the grammar,... makes me feel like a automaton like the great GrammarHound.
Shouldn't it be Grammar Hound? GrammarHound doesn't make any scene.
How can you have a uppercase letter in the middle of a word or sas it just trying to be creative? If so don't, "It hurts my ears when you say it" (My Blue Heaven)
GH Stick it up your Ass
Liked the story, even though it was on the short side. I didn't see a problem due to absence of dialog. That GrammarHound has a Head Problem.
Longer... was wanting more...
Very interested in seeing where this story will go. Best of luck!
The ability to write stuff without noticeable spelling or grammar problems is great (whether you do it naturally, or have an editor - either is good)
As for writing more - yes - do that - I got to the end and wished it didn't stop there.
Add some extra detail and descriptions and its perfect
Please take some high school English lessons and learn to write at a ninth grade level. Read a book by an adult, in English, and copy the formatting for dialogue. There should be quotation marks available near the right end of your keyboard with use of the SHIFT key. This would have been a decent story, if not for the horrific use of the written word.
great start... a little more detail would be nice... one minor quibble -- there are no ocean liners that ran between Paris and NY...
it's nice to read something that doesn't give me a headache from all the grammar errors. wonderful start! I will be waiting impatiently for the follow-ups.
A good start to the story. There is potential here. This guy's eternally young and has magic powers over women's breasts. But "robbing Petrushca to pay Paulina" could be troublesome. How about he can transform fat to breasts? (Imagine taking a huge woman and growing a dozen women around him.)
And since you've shown a good degree of history, this person can be a world traveller. Put him in many places all over the world. Have him bring the bounty of breasts to all kinds of women in all kinds of places. (I'm right now thinking French Underground during World War II in occupied France.) Go to it, and make your stories longer!
I have to agree with everyone here, the way you pt this story together is superb. The abrupt ending was the perfect cliffhanger! The only thing I can suggest is to give a few more details, introduce us to Pete a little more in the next part. Other then that mate, very good!
I agree with everyone else. I like the way you write but this seemed just a little hurried and ended abruptly. I would like to see more description in the BE and I'd like to know what Pete looks like!
On the flip side, you introduced some stuff I never heard of. Like I didn't know what the NKVD was until I wikied it. And after reading the part about how they treated "unwanted foreigners" just before WWII, I had a better appreciation for just how intelligent and historically accurate this story is.
I was also surprised to see that there really is a Brest Station in Belarus! That is pretty funny but it also makes sense that people would be leaving from there since it looks like it was a major hub back then. Well played!
Out of curiosity, are they on the Normandie?
Ok, get back to writing. I want to see where this goes!
Not a bad start. I'd like to see more.
I thought that starting the story at "Brest station" was a little over-the-top, but I guess that is an actual place if you have characters in Belarus. I did not know that.
I enjoyed the character development very much and your writing style gave my imagination quite a boost thanks to your descriptive writing. I was anxious for more but the story ended too abruptly, hopefully hinting at a continuation. Continue writing good sir.
2nded, Your writing is good and I want to read more.
This is a great start. I can't wait to see what happens by the time Pete gets to college!