The Overflowing Bra

You uh... don't understand the concept of inches, do you?

Technically terrible, lot's of irritating repeating of words and there is just no flow in the writing.

Great start.  BE for the sake of BE instead of being secondary to another plot line.  Hope to see more of you.  And while I agree with the comments about grammar and such, reading a story like this has to be done with a whole lot of reality pushed to the side.  So when I come across 'where' instead of 'were' I correct it mentally and simply continue.

Solid story with classic BE, keep it up.

While I agree that this story could use a grammatical eddit I feel that the more fundamental problem here is one that a lot of "Wow" sized stories have. Which is to say ir loses perspective. There's realy no meaningful difference between a 200 inch bustline and a 250 inch bustline from anything but a numeric sense. That sort of thing is fun for lots of readers but you do need to build up to it more. When it's your starting point we don't have anywhere to go from there. Nonetheless I wouldn't have made this textwall if I didn't think there was potential here so do keep writing!

Really and truly needs an editing pass-through and reformat.  

You really need to re-read this, Its a good start, but the lack sentence variations and the way that most of the sentences start by naming someone make this a little tedious. Also  there is a lack of subtlety, take your time with the story, flesh it out a bit and read it over a few times to make sure that the quality of product is where you want it.

You've got the right idea, but some common pitfalls:
1. introducing a fact after the fact (as in "oh, did I mention, she's a lesbian?"
2. you dropkick the notion of paragraphs after a while.  
3. go back and re-read your story after you write it.  Have someone else proof it.
Otherwise, I really did like the BE in this story.  It was a refreshing change.

Whew! I must admit you're off to a great start.