The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

addiction fix
Average Scores:

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Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 2

Thanks a lot! An extremely interesting comment!!....

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4

too short,to make a good started like in the middle of should have started as as a normal guy and girl,that found out they had this ability and showed the growth from square.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I liked the story starting at part 4.
A quick read.

1) The characters introduced.
2) The transformation process is discovered/explained.
3) The characters decide to use the process.


5) Things get out of hand / Wacky mayhem ensues.
6) ???
7 ) Things are back to normal... or are they?!?

Very Free
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

So many punctuation, formatting and spelling errors that it was very hard to read. Also missing names of places and persons.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I liked it, and I felt like the anonymity added to the charm of the story, not many stories can stay vague and be good, I felt like this did a good job of it, it was a little on the short side which leaves room for improvement, but I enjoyed it, the triggers felt unique and gave the story a nice feel, and more than made up for the lack of detail, finally spell checker is your friend. I hope to see more stories from you.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

pretty good for a first off. a little "in medias res"; some back story or something would have made it a lot more enjoyable. i agree with mtb; get some names in there. last of all, Spell Check Is Your Friend! make use of it. if you can't just do a read through when you're done, correcting mistakes which you find. i look forward to improvements upon this theme! kudos.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

I thought this was pretty enjoyable. Aside from the lack of capitalization and length, it hit at the root of what I enjoy about these kinds of stories.

As mentioned before, basic editing would help, along with increasing the length of the story. Give us some background and then see how far the characters can push this.

Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

Looks like you started something off, saved it to your drive, resurrected it some months later, barely dusted it off and then submitted it.

Few suggestions:
Make sure your story is complete (Lots of "..." where character or place names are supposed to be. Very distracting)
For god's sake people, give your characters names. It's incredibly difficult to avoid the overloaded pronoun game otherwise, especially when there are more than two people in the room.
Please, please please. Spell check. It takes 30 seconds. It's built-in to most applications now. It's obvious you have a grasp on grammar (hence a 2 on the Technical quality rather than a 1), so take the extra effort and save those of us who offer up feedback a few minutes of typing and make your story that much better.

I liked the notion and trigger for expansion, but it really felt like this was a part of a larger story.. While reading it I was expecting a flashback of some kind, and was kinda let down when I didn't get it.

You've got some ability; I'll give you that.. Focus it and try again. I'm hoping this is just a first attempt and you end up progressing.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 2

Not very good. Sorry.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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