foxxfur@yahoo.com
This is my first erotic work of fiction. I am a huge fan of breast expansion and decided to take a crack at it. I hope you enjoy! :3
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.00
- BE: 2.71
- Characters: 2.43
- Technical: 2.29
Scitenik
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Weak when it comes to characterization and general length/formatting of the story (could've used a bit more in the beginning and some resolution) but it's still one of my favorites on the site.
G-man001
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 2
Don't give up. The story started very stale. Sudden expansion with nothing more than a cup size, etc. You 'grew' into a better story, but take your time. Give us an idea as to what she's thinking. etc.
dontknow
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Not bad, has promise, would like to see the author wright more, just take a little more time with what they are saying
Kiwa
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
I wasn't able to enjoy this at all, period. No length, no substance no characterization no plot. Nothing.
Kisame17
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
It was not too bad but the story was alright. The problem is that your plot is rushed and Nikki felt one dimensional. Keep on writing but please add more to the story. What stopped this story from being great is the fact that it ended too quickly.
Raven_Poe
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
Good first start. 14yr old girls are fine, if your a 14yr old boy. :)
Need to work on your formatting some, no paragraph breaks, small font size and a few grammatical errors and some typos could easily be fixed with a decent word processor. I would recommend finding someone to proof read for you, often times they catch things that you yourself have read over a few dozen times.
A Nonny Mouse
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
14 year old girls do not make good protagonists for a BE fiction piece.
Other than that, grammar is ok but you have some odd phrasing issues. The detail was sketchy too, you have to be very conscious that the reader doesn't have any idea of the image in your head. So while for you the writing evokes something quite expansive, for anyone else it's simply a silhouette.
Most importantly don't rush!
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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