humble.fool@gmail.com
To offset the growing number of long-form, prolonged-sexiness stories being bandied about, I figured I'd offer up something a little more... immediate. It's actually longer than I planned. No, I won't write a sequel, sorry.
Not a hell of a lot of BE here, but then again there's not a hell of a lot of much here either.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.57
- BE: 4.14
- Characters: 4.43
- Technical: 4.86
rtpoe
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Short and sweet! Hits all the right notes, and has a trick with the girl in the magazine I've never seen before.
Toymaker
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Not a *huge* amount of BE, but still sexy. And straight to the point! The article parts were well-written, and very believable, and the character interactions were nicely done. I'm off to read Part 2; thanks for writing.
Oh-Sai
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Simple and to the point. Sometimes it's the simplest things that get the best results, and you've hit the nail on the head with this writing. Keep up the great work, humblefool!
isratits
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
G-man001
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
This was very fun! Loved the 'time lapse bread rising' description. Very nice. Likeable story and characters. I agree, issue 2 with some more adventures would be very nice indeed!
deux_anges
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I like it! Not much BE, but you made a really good story out of it. Like the writing style, it really did read like a magazine article of a centrefold gal describing herself.
Hope issue #2 comes along soon with a new covergirl...
Redog
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Good stuff. Keep writing.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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