Better than the first. For other readers: has been switched to .doc
The story it is quite an improvement from your previous one. I feel like the characters are much more convincing than before. The BE is good although you can never have too much detail.
Now that it's a .doc instead of a .docx i'm sure a lot of people will be much happier, but i can't help but notice there are a few more pages added and the story is much tighter-- please get someone to edit your work before you submit it next time around, the different was like day and night. Ending is much better too.
This is more for the other reviewers than to the author, but it needs to be said: A bad file format is just as much a damning factor as bad spelling, bad paragraph formatting, or lack of punctuation. I downloaded the Microsoft compatibility widget and my computer spat it right back out. I still can't open the file. Considering this is TEXT we are talking about, having compatibility problems is absurd. If I have the patience to download extra files to try and make the files I've got work, I'll go download compressed video.
Interesting story, a good bit better than the first. Would like to see another.
I liked the story, but at times the direction seemed to get lost (ie - who was speaking seemed to be indistinct). Example? Last scene in the story. I am guessing that the voice is Kelly (as she referred to Darren as her brother) and I find the question she asks odd considering that Sean hasn't been affected (in relation to the context of the question).
It's just a bit of a gripe on my part. Otherwise, a fine submission and I look forward to seeing more of your works.
For people having trouble opening the document, Microsoft has their own compatibility software that you can download here:
www.microsoft.com/downloads/details.aspx?FamilyId=941B3470-3AE9-4AEE-8F43-C6BB74CD1466&displaylang=en
As for the story, I thought it was pretty good. I think more detail in the growth scenes would have been better. There were also some spelling errors and grammatical errors as well, but nothing too serious.
Overall, it was a good story.
I have a plan. Why doesn't someone simply post the story in a format that everyone can enjoy without having to download new widgets for Word. Nobody wants to have to search the net for add-ons that may or may not be safe to introduce into their computers, and not everyone's system can handle the random errors that these add-ons so often throw out. For all of those who have read it, perhaps copy it to a doc file for we Luddites to see. Thank you.
This is a balance posting for you Arseholes who rate stories just to say that you can't open it! Get a life. If you can't open a .docx format file, download the extra widget from Microsoft, and think about upgrading your word processor. Vista sux, Word07 is a pain to get used to blah blah blah, I know it, but don't wreck a story rating if you haven't read it. If some one did this to one of my stories, I would be hesitant to post here again. Constructive criticizm is great, this "Will rerate when the format is better" crap is garbage! Since ratings are averaged out, you are just being lame, and wrecking their ratings for those people who CAN read the story and be constructive. If you don't have any thing constructive to say, DON'T RATE THE STORY!
That was fucking awesome! I love mutual growth stories of this kind!
Pretty good. However, a few grammatical errors do ruin the flow of the story. Keep up the good work and next time be sure to proofread it better. :)
As far as people having trouble opening it, I had no trouble with Open Office. That being said, I would recommend you stay away from the docx format. I'm sure people would complain if you used the ODF from Open Office as well, so stick with rtf or html.
Can someone please explain how to open it for all of us who can't? thank you.
Can't open, will sumbit an updated review when it's post in a different format (try RTF, PDF or even HMTL)
Great story--I gotta say that I enjoyed all of it.
I'd also like to complain to all the folks submitting 1s and saying that they can't open it. >_>. That's really quite lame of you.
A very nice little ditty. I really liked your characters, just don't rush through the physical changes...that's why we are here afterall!
I will resubmit the rating as soon as it can be reposted in a different format. Cannot open.
Well, unlike the afore mentioned issue with MS Office ought-seven, this story was fun. As I have MSO 2007, I was able to open it. I enjoyed the story, and I liked the characters. The BE was very well described and well placed in the tale. My only beef was that it seems you made a mistake I myself have been found guilty of in the past, and that is useing the Office spelling and grammar checker as your only proof reader. While I didn't see any spelling errors, I did find some words that were used wrong. The most memorable for me being the "milk way" used in the planetarium when you intended for it to be Milkyway. Minor I know, but still important. There are two easy ways around that issue. Get a proof reader, or... if you don't have any one who is willing/trusted to proofread go back and painstakeingly read the whole story alloud (don't skim). Either works. Negativity aside, I liked it and want to see more. If you need a proof reader, I am in the forum, look me up.
Ditto. Cannot open
Hey, if you get a chance, can you try posting it in .rtf or even just regular .doc? I'm on a Mac and don't have the new version of Office (which you need to open the .docx filetype). Thanks.