Caryn "the snake" Dobbs isn’t exactly the kind of woman you’d want as your superior. As the spiteful, arrogant Head of Accounting at Planet Altaerna’s major nuclear research facility, the Large Head-On Collider, she’s in for quite a surprise when the most expensive particle experiment ever created goes haywire - and she’s got only herself and her suppressed urges to blame for that...
A self-contained story from the World of Altaerna universe, with a little nod or two to other story arcs yet to come.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.00
- BE: 4.00
- Characters: 4.07
- Technical: 4.07
passby
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
just discovered your stories.
Got to say i love what I've read thus far.
Please keep up the excellent works.
ForcedLactation Lover
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Anon
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Nice story, I hope to read more episodes. A few minor technical errors with spelling and grammar, but I can't complain too much as it's still an awful lot better than my German!
razaksroughnecks
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I really enjoyed this one. I was a little confused when Caryn's eyes became snake-like but then was never mentioned again. I hope that gets explored a bit more when this story is continued! Great work!
Anonymous
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Really enjoyable writing style, and the two mains besides Ms. Dobbs (who seemed somewhat unnecessarily irrational overall) were rather funny. BE wasn't particularly descriptive but the cliffhanger end twist was interesting enough.
shines01
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Nice growth scenes. That, plus the fact that her last growth is left to the imagination makes for a good story. Maybe Caryn grows to the size of a planet? Then the magic in her provides for a new species? Ah, the imagination
Merkava IV
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
My only real niggle with this story is the section where Carl puts his hand on "Jenny's" cauliflower sized nipple, when it should be Caryn's.
Otherwise, I enjoyed it thouroughly. Write more... we're all waiting.
madmacs2010
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I liked the story, but i think i would have preferred further developments towards the main characters and their growth rather than focussing on the Snake, she wasn't as likeable a character and so it made it harder to get into the story than if the story had focussed around the sexy wife maybe. But then perhaps those ideas are coming in other episodes.
Paul Gerard
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Ooops, here I go again, commenting on my own story.
People, please, for those who know my mail address: Don’t flaunt it just like that on a public web page. The spam I get is bad enough already. I'm also in the forum (PaulG), and you can send me a private message there. Thanks.
That said, thanks for each and every comment (and that includes "pretty terrible") ;)
ameria_loire
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Very Free- Paul is German. I was surprised too. He gave an email address in one of his earlier stories.
I've put one of his stories on my blog. I had to ask permission so I know it works.
Here:
paul_gerard_writer@yahoo.com
Yep.
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 3
I liked the satirical elements related to the LHC and such. However, the characters arent memorable at all. Fun story though!
Very Free
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I found at least 2 dozen errors, some of which were grammar or sentence problems (I wish I could send the author some comments, since he claims to be a non-native English speaker - but he could have fooled me, he's a lot better than most). But altogether I like the story, it's just that it's frustrating to not come to a conclusion, leaving the reader hanging. The story is interesting (author has a vivid imagination!) but the BE could be a bit more detailed. After all, that's what this is all about - there's always room for more BE.
durr
Overall= 2, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
Pretty terrible, written on a pretty forced premise
deus
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
There were just a few words off, but overall it was pretty good. More please!
Stretch
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
The grammar was a bit off here and there but the style more than made up for that. I look forward to more of this story.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
Due to comment spam, any new posts with http in them will be destroyed.
