humble.fool@gmail.com
Based on a shorter piece by dawestside at writing.com and process-production, this is a quick growth scene with copious amounts of jiggling flesh and very little plot.
In other words, right up your alley.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.30
- BE: 3.60
- Characters: 3.20
- Technical: 4.10
MDude
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
A very nice short BE story.
Anon
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Doc
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
wilheimy
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
classic man, total classic
Viewer
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
nice story, thou some of the be was lacking from my view of it,
but it was alright
it somehow also features a reference to a succubus or nymph TF
another thumbs up on that
Beetlebomb
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Short, but too the point.
I enjoyed it. It was as you intended it to be, no more, no less.
If this was your first attempt at writing I'd say you did a very good job!
Looking forward to more of your writing,
Beetlebomb
William Tells All
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Nice writing style, very limited BE, more of a GTS story, and 2 pages? Really? Did you HAVE to double space it? This isn't high school english class, don't change the spacing just to make it look longer, actually make the story longer and more enjoyable. As it stands, this was like drinking a glass of water before you get thirsty, was a whistle wetter. Take this and expand on it (get it? lol) and you'll do just fine, shoot for 10+ pages as a start and go from there.
mechfan9
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
good but needs more description.
Genoharden
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
A very good read! Perhaps a little bit more description for the preface of the plot.... (clothes and such)
Otherwise, a simply sweet slice of fiction!
Paul Gerard
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
Short and sweet!
I'm going for "average" on the characters only just because there's little else that I can think of that could be done to describe them. It's a short-short story after all that does not leave much room for character development since so many other things develop so fast :)
On the technical note, nice to see a story with correct punctuation and spelling for a change. I only stumbled over one instance where IMO "thOrough" would've been called for. Apart from that - yay for the right use of language! Found the .doc file a little hard to read with the default font and big line spacing, but that's just me, I guess. More of an HTML man, myself ;)
Summary: well done, recommended.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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