If you read the original TTT part 1, then in this Director’s Cut of my very first story there still is Him as the nameless, hapless guy trapped in an ancient temple, there still is Her as the strange shape-shifting Creature, and there is hopefully much more of a kinda-sorta story line now.
Add to this (hopefully) a lot less typos, thanks to a friendly proof-reader who shall for now remain anonymous, and you’ve got the reasons why I re-uploaded this before moving on to bold new endeavors in the world of smut writing. :)
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.43
- BE: 3.00
- Characters: 3.29
- Technical: 3.14
GreatScott!
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
This was a well designed story. I don't refer particularly, to any one area but rather the potential it sparked. There any number of ways this story can go. Even, dare I say, a romantic one? The characterization, while enjoyable in it's own right, just skimmed to surface. I hope you continue this story down it's many potential paths. Oh yeah, love goo girl stories! Keep 'em commin'!
Paul Gerard
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Argh, skewering my ratings again. I just had to get this off my chest: I'm not even sure if Kowalski is referring to the story I've written - because he's talking about gender change and someone called "Rachel". Uh. Riiight. Rachel? Rachel who? I don't never have written about no Rachel, mate! ;)
Kanodin
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
The story starts off slow and almost crawls on occasion to describe errant details. You can offset this by simultaneously moving the plot forward, so as to keep the reader engaged with the text. In addition, consider using a 'cold open' instead of introducing a character completely before having something happen.
I'm not sure if Kowalski is referring to plot flow and character action as the "mechanics of your storytelling" -- surely this does not refer to basic grammar and dialogue text formatting. Creative writing is not my strong suit, but I think that improvement in that area comes from simple practice.
sonic76@mac.moc
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
my mistake ; )
for someone wo loves reading i can really miss importants bits sometime .... there you go btw, read all three of the and my first comment apllies to all of them !
Paul Gerard
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Okay, uh, hi. First, a big "thank you" to anyone that bothers to comment and vote! I'm just somewhat puzzled because I'm having a hard time reconciling an "absolutely great" comment with a second-worst evaluation of "2"... You *know* that the higher numbers mean a better score? :)
sonic76@mac.moc
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
Liked t a lot thank you for the effort. Maybe a tad too scene/surrounding - descriptive in some parts, but hey maybe that is just me. Absolutely great
Kowalski
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 1
I agree the mechanics of your storytelling need a lot of work, but the premise is good and generally speaking I enjoy these kinds of stories, where things get out of hand for the guy while the girl(s) control the outcome. I'd like it if in Pt. 3 Rachel made sure that his boobs got even larger and his libido raged out of control and then in the end she found herself trapped in that body. Standard fare I guess, but keep 'em coming.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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