tamerkmmb@gmail.com
My first story BE/LAC/AG
about a girl who was afraid shed lose her boyfriend and , wanted to look prettier for him .
let me know what you think
[I'm not good at writing grammar or spelling you have been warned]
BE is later on
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.23
- BE: 4.23
- Characters: 3.15
- Technical: 2.15
Elusive Writer
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Great story you should defianatly make a part 2 I believe it would be well received.
MilkMan
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
Please keep going! I love this story, very much. We need more!
Peter
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
PLEASE Make Part 2! PLEASE! I simply love this story!
spazo
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Lucky
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Yes! More please. Very good Story. I hope there is a Part2 soon
Anonymous
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Er...women don't produce semen. The fact that the story implies that they do rather disturbs me.
Grey Deth
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
I understand that most are complaining about the technical aspects of this story. I did note issues...but I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this story! It seems to have a lot of potential (and room for improvement in the descriptions of the Melissa is going through, etc) but I love it! I really hope you take the criticism to heart and continue! I am eagerly waiting the next chapter and hope there are more who enjoy Melissa's gifts. Thank you.
Grey Deth
Anon
Overall= 2, BE= 4, Characters= 2, Technical= 1
If you know the writing, spelling, and grammar are terrible, why submit it? Run through it another time or two and fix all the glaring typos, and then you might have something. I mean, when you draw do you just go with the first sketch? No.
This could be a good story if you fixed it, but right now it's rubbish.
Tevyus
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
Way to go! MORE, PLEASE! The more milk, the better.
I'm hoping that when her boyfriend shows up, he'll have more than ten days of cum in him, so we can watch him struggling not to blow his whole load right away.
anonymous john
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 2
This is a great start. I would say definitely take the other commenters' suggestions to heart, and I'll be looking forward to your next story!
D.Tiger
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 2
While I really like the story itself and the overall concept, the descriptions can do with some improvement. It's passable and good enough, but it could go further. Same with characters though: there are only really 3 characters, but descriptions can go a bit further. Just a bit. Character development is great though. :P As for technical advice, well, that's been stated already. It's not so bad that I had to stop reading (has happened), but needs some tweaking. Other than some shortcomings, I really like this. Can't wait to read more.
Genoharden
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 2, Technical= 1
A great read, if not for the grammar flaws. The main mistake made was capitalization. Random words were capitalized for No real Reason. And when using punctuation, there should be no space between , like that, like this. But the strangest part was that none of this flaws throughout the story's entirety, except the punctuation.
And it was a good story, that's why we're telling you this.
Blamandude
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
Despite the grammar and spelling errors it was pretty good. Try using word or a program that auto spell checks for you.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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