The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Mutual Attraction
Small story I wrote a while ago but never finished (until now, of course). It is about a typical boy-girl high school romance. Plus BE. My first erotica, so comments would be greatly appreciated.
Average Scores:

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

Great story with a nice romantic message. I thought the author did a good job at being descriptive with regards to the character's chest.

If I could suggest/reccommend anything it would be to make the growth process a bit more elongated/dramatic while going into detail of exactly what she's feeling during the process from one minute to the next. Lot's of potential for that 'uniform development process' ;).

Other than that, nice story.

Very Free
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

The only reason I didn't give a 5 on technical was because of the fifteen spelling or punctuation errors. Use the Spell Checker??

Ignore that Crash dood. He said, "If you're going to make it a high-school drama, at least make it realistic." WTF! Fool thinks that *any* BE story is gonna be realistic??

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

You are obviously a writer and I am glad you choose BE to express your magnicient creativity.

Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

It wasn't bad by any stretch (no pun intended), but I really would like, in the future, if you avoided the 'dirty' talk that frequently happens in stories like these. You know, the BE causer in question causes the woman to go up to Male Protagonist, "I NEED YOU! FUCK ME! FUCK ME HARD!" etc.

Plus, it seemed a bit strange that what was described as the hottest girl in school wasn't getting the attention of a geek she was totally wet for so she went and slugged a whole bottle of BE pills. If you're going to make it a high-school drama, at least make it realistic. Make them both the nerds, or at least make it so that her reaction (Sobbing and in tears? I mean, what?) was more likely. Or maybe make her the geek and him the big, studly jock whom always looks at her like a friend or even just one of the geeks, but actually kind of likes her because the hot girls are all preppies. Or if you were going to use your tactic, at least make her affection for him be less hysterical and more grim determination. The girl honestly seemed batshit insane.

The fact that you had both of them balls-crazy for each other from the get-go just seemed odd, especially the character archetypes.

But, as I said, if it was your first attempt it was still loads better than most of the trash that's run through here. Make more, but keep the characters realistic.

Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

Very nice! Bravo!!!

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

I don't usually comment on stories, they've really got to stick out in my mind for me to bother to do so, and this story is defiantly worth it.

The story had an excellent pace to it, and ends very nicely, not forcing the idea of a plausibly non-existent sequel at the reader, which I like.

If this is your first erotica, please, please don't let it be your last, this is an excellent start to what could be a very good list of submissions here.


Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

Gee...I didn't think this would go over as well as it did. I expected uncomfortable internet silence. Rest assured, however, that I appreciate the comments and will try to write another story (or possibly a sequel) as soon as possible. But don't expect it too soon; I'm pretty swamped with other journalistic/creative writing pursuits. Oh, and I apologize for any grammatical or spelling mistakes. Ironic how one only spots his mistakes after the fact.

Anyway, thanks to all those who have read my story as well as those about to do so. Remember, writing is the gateway to the soul, a portal to our innermost feelings and desires. A pen in the hands of a writer is inferior to nothing, be it sword, brush, or spoken word. Symbols are as effective at creating emotion as images, and let no man tell you otherwise.

*Please disregard the score presented above this message as well as it's effect on the average scores. I tried to make it as close to the average as possible, but there's no decimal point in the selectable scores, so the overall character score will decrease slightly.*

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Wow. Just wow. Do you read christopher moore books? Because your writing style reminds me of him, and that is a -really- good thing. Extremely funny, packing jokes into the very description of the scene, while simultaneously describing the character's outlook on the events. The story literally had a "pace" to it... and when the Breast Expansion happened at the end, the pace picked up... it felt frantic, in a rush, like everything was happening at once... and that's good. It embodies the excitement of the expansion, the thrill, and gets you into Kelly's head much better than any descriptive addition. Its simply unbelievable that this is your first BE story, because you are so good with that aspect of narrative(and all the other aspects as well).

This story will stay on my harddrive for some time... I can't wait until you come out with something else, and I cannot fathom how incredible your stories may become with experience in the genre.

Bravo, Xblade0, Bravo.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

very well written!

I would have liked it chronologically to have gone further, maybe an epilogue or something to the extent, but overall I really enjoyed it.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Very nice story!

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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