The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Dorian Phoenix
Neofur
Warning this is a story full of furries, if it helps think of them as fuzzy aliens.

The idea for this story came from a sci fi book I read a long time ago, didn't realize when I started writing it where I had got the idea from.  I don't remember what the title of the book was but if it sounds like I stole the start of this from somewhere I did.

This is a story about a government lab doing things it should not do and the very bad people trying to cover up the fact that something very right was done there.
Average Scores:

Mable
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Philomena
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Raleigh
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Fredric
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Amy
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Taylah
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Rochell
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Isla
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Mervin
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Nickolas
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Arlen
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Toby
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Titus
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Kitty
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Sara
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Darcy
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Rod
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Elliot
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Leandra
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Shelby
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Elaine
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Leia
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
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Jack36262001
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

Despite some glaring grammatical issues. This story was a great read. Not just the rushed BE scene of many of the stories, but a story with a plot that involved BE.

Orgyston
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3

There are too many stories on this site where the technical quality is low. Ah well, can't be helped. I love how this story isn't just a BE story, it's actually creative literature.

Adama
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

This story previously appeared a few years ago under the title "Superfur", though my copy suddenly cuts off about 2/3 of the way through.

Anonymous
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

A few proofreader's notes:

a social clique, not click; you can't deny you like big butts, not deign that you like them.

Using Goddess in place of God... well, I'm not here to knock anyone's religion, but whenever this appears in a story, it always sounds forced to me. If the idea of a male God offends, just have your characters say 'goodness,' or, better yet simply avoid the construction altogether.

This is more a complaint about the awkwardness of the furrydom's self-referential language, but excising the words "person" and "someone" and replacing them with "fur" and, uh, "a fur" tweaks me as well. "Someone" isn't even species-specific!

Page 20: "leaned the was" -> "learned there was"?
Page 24: "She rubbed her belly in the hopes of quieting for another hour of sleep." line makes no particular sense in context.

More furrydom annoyances: DAMMIT, CALL IT SEX. "YIFF" is a godawful abomination of a word, be it noun, verb, or *shudder* adjective.

Page 45: missing a "was" near the bottom.
Page 46: "He would have other skills to defender when she finished." -> "He would have other skills to defend her with when she finished."?
Page 47: "Brenda's course the inside of" : "of course"?

Overall, a nice adult fable. The ending was a little weak, in my opinion, but well-executed.

Aphotic
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 2

Good writing in terms of story development and characterization, just a few technical errors like grammar and staying in the same tense within the same paragraph

DarkHeart
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

A great story, it sounded a little too childlike though.

elvis interuptis
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

Great story. I was moved which is what fiction is supposed to do. Needs a final line edit.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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