Molly is back and soon boobs are snapping bras butts are tearing out of jeans and fat is seeping out of every corner- mostly for her own amusement at her victim's expense.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.00
- BE: 3.38
- Characters: 2.63
- Technical: 2.88
Anonymous
Overall= 3, BE= 5, Characters= 1, Technical= 4
Your main character's overall motives really do not make sense. She seems meaner than any of the "bullies." Still, good story.
Anonymous
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
I liked the first it's a gas but I think this concept is getting old. And there is no actual plot to the story so it's kind of boring. You should start a new story and make it so that the transformations are slower and maybe just concentrate on one character getting transformed.
Very Free
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Needed a spell check. I'm not particularly thrilled with these witches who go around wreaking havoc on people for no particular reason at all: Molly is fucked up and sadistical, no doubt about it. It'd be a lot better if Molly had a kinder streak to her. Kerry, the goddess of evil, at least does things that are not outright evil.
But then, maybe this Molly character is a reflection of the author's personality...
GN
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
A lot of errors and a lingering "written with one hand" feeling. Not enough description where it was needed.
Perhaps going over it a few times before posting it, or sending it to somebody else here to look it over (try the forum) might help.
wildcard
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
Fat fetich isn't my thing, meaning I could never give it a proper rating. And would normaly not even bother rating it, but I hate it when people rate a story the don't like because the fetich in the story isn't there thing.
In short, don't rate a story if the fetich in it isn't your thing. Because you can never ever give it a good proper rating. So I don't believe you deserve the 1 star rating from aryanman.
some guy
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Yeah yeah yeah, some people don't like fat fetish. Well neither do I. So you know what I do? I just stop reading at certain points and the story is still fine.
Loved your last story and loved this one too. IT's great to see some quality ass expansion in these stories. As long as you get a decent amount of ass growth in the next one, feel free to explore your 'fetish' as much you want. Just get out there and keep writing lol, because it's still quality stuff.
aryanman
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 3
hated the fat fetish, probably imitates your personal life. but being serious i hated the way you went about this story blowing people up into fat chunks of bubbly lard and the characters were as flat as a 11 year olds chest. bad job. feel free to reach me at adufflover@yahoo.com
EdgarPoe
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
First off, repeat after me:
Double spacing is bad. You don't need double spacing unless your stretching out a report for school.
Non-standard font size is bad. Again 12pt font is standard, theres no need to crank it up to 16pt.
After fixing all of that it still comes down to a 7 page story which isn't bad. Writing style is good, this is definitely an improvement over the first story you wrote. Good descriptions and allusions on everything. Just get over the high school style writing format and you'll make it. :)
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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