Lisa is your regular teenager who discovers an interesting force that lets her control her own body completely. Only then does the super kinky side of her come out and breasts grow and orgasms flow as she takes her body on a crazy ride.
I liked it, even though I felt like I'd read it before. I'm very interested to find where it's going! As has been mentioned, grammer is so important, but the revised version was a vast improvement!
Good Job!
I should really pay more attention when I'm posting something here... I didn't notice that it was g-man himself talking about stealing pen names. I was talking about someone uploading a story in someone else's name, because I somehow thought that someone ages ago had posted stories under that name, and this new talent had inadvertently stolen someone's pen name. However, when I searched, there were no other stories posted under that name... so I messed up. Sorry about that!
very good but too short
I won't beat the dead horse (punctuation). The story itself was very good, and left me wanting more. I eagerly await your next installment! Also - check to make sure you aren't using someone else's nickname on here. There is no registration system to keep that from happenning - it works on the honor system here. Please help keep your stories from getting mixed up with someone else's, and check to see if the nick you want to use has already been used by someone else.
Don't steal someone's pen name.
Very enjoyable story. Please, keep writing. Don't get down in the dumps with the grammer. It will come. Just don't stop writing.
Keep up the good work, hope to see more soon!
While the initial setup felt a little rushed — I would've appreciated a little more build-up of the characters — the descriptions of Lisa's various transformations were enjoyably well detailed. I hope you'll seek out the assistance of an editor in the Forums to help with the technical issues and bring us the next part of the story soon. Thanks for writing!
Nicely done. Work on the polish a bit more.
Excellent work!!! I'm really looking forward to your next installment. I am sure you get the point about grammar and punctuation by now so I won' repeat it. Keep up the good work.
Keep up the good work!
I enjoyed the story greatly and look forward to what's yet to come. As for the "technicals" (quotations, punctuation, etc.) - sometimes easy to overlook, especially if one is engrossed in the story. (Sometimes it is the fault of the word processor for making something appear as if it's there, even when it isn't - so I can overlook that).
An excellent story, but somewhat hard to digest given the formatting. Perhaps get someone from the forums to help you with proof-reading to iron out the foibles of grammar.
Keep writing! The content was definitely enjoyable and thought out. The technical aspects will hopefully come to you easily over time.
I believe this is one of the best stories I ever read. I really would like to read more. Great story!!!! Please, keep writing like you are now…don’t pay a lot of attention to “punctuation marks” as somebody suggested, “imagination marks” is what we need in this site. Thank YOU!!!
" " ' , .
These are punctuation marks. Please learn how to use them.
Other than that, pretty good. Your grammar is better than you generally see here. The actual story itself was great.
I agree with Very Free that you, the author, need to work on the technical aspects of your writing, though this story didn't deserve a '1' in that department; this one is actually ledgible, which is more than can be said for plenty of other stories.
Anyway, start putting quotation marks around what characters are saying, break up paragraphs a little more, and work on basic grammar and punctuation and I'm sure a lot of readers will be pleased.
You have some very unique and interesting ideas(unless they came from a story I haven't come across yet), so I very much hope that your writing ability improves so you'll be more able to do them justice. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
Author has some innovative ideas, to say the least. Lots of missing quotes around dialog, lack of punctuation, lack of paragraphs and some other technical glitches made it difficult to read. Overall I liked the story but it needs attention to the technical quality. I hope the next part with the boyfriend is better, technically.