This is my first attempt at a story in nearly a decade, I am rusty, but I will warn you now, this is a story with many parts, i am already writing up chapters 3 and 4 and possibly 5 soon enough.
There isn't as much BE in this as the generic story, I have decided to stretch this out because of a heaven for bid, an actual plot.
Feedback is appreciated, I have attempted to catch all grammar and spelling errors, if I have missed any please contact me through the forum.
The story itself is about a woman who through a spell has the ability to live forever. She is caught in-between heaven, hell and the chance to save her own soul.
Enjoy.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.83
- BE: 4.50
- Characters: 4.67
- Technical: 4.67
Merkitty
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Thanks for the reviews, Kanodin, the reason there isn't a major opposing figure yet is because I am getting to that one in chapter 2, right now what I wanted to do was to lay out some background information about Sam in this case. The second part will have more to do about the anti-hero... and to get the story moving a little faster if possible too.
As for working on the typos I'm working on that, I didn't notice till after it was posted, and I got hammered in the forum for typos. I'll be uploading another revision of it in about a week or so, no one will notice this because it will be here in place of the original.
Kanodin
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
There are two tragic flaws in your story: (1) the occasional typo, and (2) the absence of an opposing figure in the story. Sam is bad--yeah we get that. Is anyone else really important? Stories need a struggle, and the only duel is within Sam's own psyche. You need more, so I hope it will appear somewhere in part 2. :-)
Twe
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I like stories with a plot... As long as it doesn't get in the way of the BE...:)
I'll be waiting (impatiently) for the next chapter.
Sauerkraut
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Good on you for making a story with a plot. I tried that not too long ago and mostly got things along the lines of "This place is for BE stories, not BE novels." and things like that. If you ever get those kinds of comments, don't listen to them, because you're a very good writer.
cwmoss
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
What a great story. Please do continue!
1232
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
good story keep it coming
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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