The State of Emergency progresses on as citizens throughout the city are transformed into their utmost desires. In this installment, Angelo and Morgan find a way to make the catastrophe work for them.
New file upload, encoded to UTF-16 rather than Western.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 1.67
- BE: 2.33
- Characters: 1.00
- Technical: 1.67
Squishy
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 3
On the technological side, your problem is that you simply need to change the file extension from .txt to .rtf
On the literary side, your problem is with characterization. The character Angelo underwent a major personality change within the blink of an eye, with no warning or cause - like he was a completely different character in the story before and after the transformation. It didn't make any sense.
Like rydz already said, the first chapter was really good - it was well written and the sex scenes were... again, very well written. This one just seems like you had a brain fart and rushed through it just to submit something.
rydz
Overall= 1, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
In addition to the formatting complaints, you've attempted to switch genres from wish fulfillment to domination, and generating sympathy for someone who turns out to be an evil prick is not a very effective writing style. Stick with the style of the first chapter, you're much better at it, this one just kinda made me ill.
intobigboobs
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Have you ever heard of layouting? How are we supposed to read this story if there isnt a single enter to be found...
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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