The Overflowing Bra

i was gonna write in to say that the sales pitch needed work and then i saw all the hate!  no hate! only love!  self-love!

All right, that's enough.  People always complain about the lack of story/time between uploads and yet people feel the need to lamblast every author that struggles.  You deserve it.  He said in the description it was draft...drafts suck.  they do.  save your hate email for the harry potter message boards and try to encourage the authors please.  Its the least you can do if you don't write any yourself.

there's no way around it buddy this story SUCKED, it need more development in everything, and the plot is kinda choppy and confusing at times. and there really is no BE, let alone likeable characters. and lastly it needs to be MUCH longer, and MUCH more detailed

Mr Blahtson pretty much summed it up.  The story shows promise (and I do look forward to seeing a finished version) but you really ought to tighten up the grammar, spelling and such before uploading your stories; readers tend to get frustrated pretty easily when a document (of any type) is difficult to parse through.  There's certain to be members in the Forum who would gladly volunteer their proofreading services if you require it.

Haven't read it yet, but wanted to point out that you probably shouldn't put your email on the main page there. Might be better to use the forums (what they are there for after all).
But if you want to keep the email there than at least consider using a different format such as "Flash1117 at aol dot com" or some such.
Your just begging for external bots to collect your email address and use for spam otherwise.

From the filename and description, obviously this is your first draft for the story.  My advice would be that if you're confident in your own proof-reading skills, go back over this slowly and any time you read something that doesn't seem to flow smoothly, or seems awkward, re-write it until it sounds right to you.  If you don't think your proof reading is up to snuff, perhaps someone in the forums might be willing to help you.  To be honest, the grammar was poor, there were run-on sentences, no capitalization, and spelling errors in a few places.  That really took away from the story as a whole because it makes it harder to read.
As far as the concept, I saw nothing wrong with your character ideas, and I think what you were trying to do here was actually an interesting idea.
Didn't email it because, eh, I'm lazy sometimes.