An early adopter gets more than he bargains for when he buys an iPhone from an odd little store.
First story here. Be nice.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.67
- BE: 4.22
- Characters: 4.33
- Technical: 2.89
Stretch
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Thanks for sharing this story! Looking forward to more.
Hell-scythe
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 2
Enjoyable story. Like to see more. And I agree with BELover about Tim & Megan getting together, although you mite want to do this after the next chapter....
JBird
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Enjoyed every word! Can't wait for more :D
Spartacus
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
BELover
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
I want to see Tim do his sister in the next installment. I loved this story!
Kanodin
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
This is a good story. Just a few items of constructive criticism: (1) RTPerson mentioned that you should examine your smart quotes. Although this seems trivial and easy to fix, it is a valid comment and worth attending to in future stories. (2) The story is written using mostly present tense verbs, which is a bit odd. I got used to it, but please consider using past tense verbs. Some other stories use present tense verbs, but they are often reserved for specific scenes or periods of time to emphasize that something is happening "now". I do not think that the story was being written as it was happening, so it does not seem appropriate. You write well--these are "tech" issues.
RTPerson
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 1
Make sure that you aren't using smart quotes in your WP.
Kendra
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Loved the story, looking forward to reading the next part!
anon y mous
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 1
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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