The Overflowing Bra

Overall, I would classify this story as "decent." It had its good points and its bad points but nothing really stood out as particularly good nor as particularly bad.

There's a lot of potential for a very interesting story in what you posted, but it needs a bit more fleshing out and to be a little more organized. The style of the writing didn't bother me, just the basic spelling and grammar errors, but I was able to read it through to the end. 
The only suggestion I can think of adding to the previous posters' advice is you may want to consider making an outline for how you want the story to go. Friends of mine have done that in the past when they couldn't get a story to "flow" properly and it helped them keep their story coherant.
I look forward to seeing a more detailed story in the future. :)

Well since the last poster was nothing but negative (except for the "good luck!", I'll try to be more positive.  Your story basis shows immense potential and could go damn near anywhere you wanted with it.  Though I agree it does need proofreading (or just a basic spell/grammar check which most word processors have built in - check OpenOffice.org for a killer free office suite that runs on almost any OS out there) I don't think your errors were ANYWHERE NEAR some of the garbage that gets posted here.  I had no trouble reading to the end of your story.  Some of the trash on here I can't even finish the first paragraph it's so bad.  
Your ending was rather hurried, and seemed like it was missing something - I've done this myself with papers for school and stories I've written because I felt like if I didn't finish it NOW, I never would... Even though I probably would have finished it later.  I hear it's a common problem for writers, especially being nervous about a new (and controversial) field like this.  My first story wasn't that great either, but I didn't let all the negativity in my feedback discourage me.  I'm working on a new story as I get time.  Hopefully I'll have at least a couple chapters out by August.  Yeah... I'm a slow writer... You may benefit from my style though: write some, then put it down for at least a couple hours (i put it down for a week at a time sometimes) then come back, proofread, add more meat & potatoes, and maybe more story at the end/beginning, rinse and repeat.  Once you think you have a couple polished chapters, post em up for feedback.  Sometimes user comments here help shape future chapters for the author who's hit a mental block.  Cheers, and don't give up, because you show real potential!

(1) Proofread your story several times before uploading it, and you should be able to remedy the numerous spelling errors. (2) There are syntax errors throughout the story. You should choose a writing convention, such as the Chicago manual of writing, and adhere to it. An example of this is how you do not use one convention of period spacing. Many people put one space between a period and the beginning of the next sentence. Some people use two spaces. (3) Your writing style is overly complex. Do not abuse the reader with complex sentences that have no story-side payoff. When you are reading your material, if you notice that there is a way for you to convey identical information with fewer words or less complex words, then you should choose the simpler way. Good luck!