Natalie, a proper young lady, is hired as the office manager for Harden Construction Company. She is unaware of the other duties she will be expected to perform. (Reposted in Rich Text. Hopefully this will solve any problems with downloads.)
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.43
- BE: 1.71
- Characters: 3.57
- Technical: 4.43
Snakewich
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Very good story. Describes characters and situations well. Gives hints, but doesn't spell everything out, which adds to the story's strength. It makes the story fast moving and intreaging, it prompts the reader to imagine more, a desireable addtion to the story. The time table of the story is hinted at, which is great, but when a new chapter starts you aren't sure where you are in the time scale. But that isn't really needed. The story could incorporate some additions, like details of Natalie's home life, and her rationalization and adjustment of her changes (like her breast expansion), but the story is great as is. A great read.
Justafan
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
A good story and well written. Good dialogue with a lot of mind control. Only complaint is that we only see the before and after of the BE with none of the prosess and BE where no one realizes the BE is happening is always a letdown. I enjoyed your style otherwise though. Keep writing!
HorseRadish
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
The writing was way above par and the characters were somewhat interesting, but I found the BE to be lacking. The erotic content was pretty well done.
Very Free
Overall= 3, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 4
I didn't think it was necessary to bring the husband in just to debase the poor sonofabitch. And who's this old guy with the needle?
Biantai
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
It would have been more erotic and more concise to have everyone fully aware of the growth.
Rat Bastard
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I liked your story, when you posted it at the EMCSA. The added prologue in this version explains why Natalie was so willing to accept the suggestions and it removes any potential bad feelings about the fate of Charles.
your nickname
Overall= 3, BE= 1, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
This is more of a mind-control story. The BE would most likely be described as "big, off-stage, instant" and only occurs once. Basically, a woman wakes up with F-cup breasts. The writing is better than average for this type of story, but the BE is just an aside.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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