Unknown
Miss DeVille's school uses an un-orthodox method of corporal punishment ..
This is another Ed Miller's story. Found on Fictionmania. I wonder how come no one else uploaded it here ..
- Uploader
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.50
- BE: 4.00
- Characters: 3.75
- Technical: 4.75
Joce37
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
dranan
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Now THIS is certainly an Ed Miller story. Thanks a bunch for adding it, it's always great to read his stuff. Is there anything else still floating around? Is he still writing?
Hell-Scythe
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
A nice start. I would like to read more and find out more about your world. Is this school unique? Who is funds the school? Stuff like that. My favorite part was the end section when Timmy/Tina got back to his/her room. I would like to see a little more plot to sex in the story, but that is more due to the fact that I'm very curious about the world this story takes place in.
One side comment would be try to get away from cup sizes. They are fine for A-DD, but after that letters become far too abstract.
Example: "Timmy's titties settled onto his chest,
finally, at a gigantic size that would have filled a J-cup bra to
bursting. They were huge and firm, larger than basketballs but
miraculously perky."
Nobody has a clue what J-cup would look like without sitting down and doing math. You could simply remove the section "would have filled a J-cup bra to bursting" and then it would read better.
When I started writing I went straight to cup sizes better than DD too. I have since moved away from that and my writes read easier now. I hope this helps and can't wait to read more.
Genoharden
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
A true artist in your field! I don't think there's much I can about it. Great as always. I mean this is way better than half of the wank-stories I've read. Anyways to finish my ranting, bravo!
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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