This is the full first volume of the Yuki and Naru stories It contains Yuki's first encounter with breast expansion and Naru's sudden addiction to it
I want to provide constructive and useful criticism. Sadly, most others on here are right. The spelling *needs* a look, along with grammar.
More underlying, and much much harder to address is style - everything felt choppy and emotionless. A lot of the elements of story are absent: motive, conflict, climax -- plot climax, not orgasm -- and resolution. Admittedly in erotica things generally take a slightly different path, but the basic elements are still typically there.
As far as content, the BE is at least present. I'd recommend a crash-course on bra sizing (20 inch chest? My neck is 17", and a 20 inch waist on a girl is absurdly small). The method of BE is fine, but needs more time, and perhaps a bit of tension to create expectation.
I hope this helps.
Seriously, even a simply spellcheck could have caught the basic stuff. I couldn't even make it through the story because of how awful the spelling was.
I also agree with the other comments on spelling and grammar. It ruins what little story there is.
First of all, the spelling is atrocious, which robbed the story of any enjoyment I might otherwise have gotten. How can you care enough about your story to share it publicly, yet not give enough of a shit to run even a simple spell-check?
Secondly, you set up the characters and their situation, but don't really do anything with that, beyond motivating the wish for BE. For all the impact it had on the actual story, they could have been nameless, historyless extras.
Spellcheck is your friend here.
On a rating of 1-5 1 being the worst, 5 the best, the story had lots of grammatical errors & made some parts annoying to read. The plot wasn't really that good & the characters just seemed to chime in without any knowledge whatsoever. The story has great potential but needs to be fixed in a few ways, including the title download.
Loved it.
Like the previous attempt to upload a single story, this set of stories (including the original attempt) was ruined for me by the technical problems. And please, PLEASE slow down! Take a little time to write; the scenes just go rushing from one to another.
Like most of them said, Work on your grammar and technical stuff. You seemed to like to use the same word over and over again. Try to spice things up a bit in your story. It gets old after the first one grows. Make the other one grow a different way.
I agree with the other comments on spelling and grammar. They were so poor as to suck all enjoyment out of the story.
Buy a manual of style (e.g., Chicago) to remedy your syntax errors. The spelling and grammar mistakes in the story seem serious enough that they probably appear in your non-creative writing, so you should look into improving.
The author does manage to convey a great deal of enthusiasm, but the utter lack of technical quality kills my ability to fully appreciate either the characters, BE, or other content.
Recommendations: Too many of the basic fundamentals of English grammar and writing are missing for practise to be of much use. Either get a good book on the language and study it well or take an English language course or two along. Once you have a grasp on the tools, then practise.
Note: The stories were written using one of the many programs based on The Microsoft Edit rich text component (Most likely Wordpad), not word. There is no guarantee that a spell checker was present. That's no excuse for not using one, mind you, but a spell checker is not sufficient to cover the holes in the author's skill set.
I could see what you wanted to do here, but it just isn't happening. You simply need to work on your technical writing more before you submit a piece.
First of all, no-one spells perfectly, but if you run a spell-check when you finish each page, it won't seem so overwhelming. Or in fact, do what I do and watch all those little red lines pop up as you type (the green ones will help with your grammar). Honestly, the format is Word, so the lack of even the most simple of quality checks is a little off-putting.
And secondly (and the actual reason I had to respond), there are written names for all of the numbers, please use them when you are writing prose. Learning the protagonist's age as 20 instead of twenty may seem to be nit-picky, but it isn't really. What the rules of grammar provide is a tried and true framework to make writing easier, not harder. Try it an you'll see.
By the by, I won't be totally negative, you did take the time to write something, and that needs to count. Keep at it, each new sentance takes you towards improvement.
I suck at spelling so I didn't really notice anything, but I liked the story. Short and to the point. :)
Rather an empty story as it goes... a spell checker would of done wonders too. There really is no excuse in this day and age for not using a spell checker for your work.