Ok, this one will work. Please delete the previous uploads. Helpful comments appreciated.
Greatest
Realy great stuff. I know some posters here have been saying otherwise but I think chapters 11 and 12 have been the best in the series so far. I realy like the "new rules" that Ann is living by. The wishes were fun but it was starting to get repeditive having her walking back and forth across town shrinking and unshrinking. I like Ann's friendship with Jill aswell, I think that may be a good opportunity for some character developement. My only suggestion to you would be to find some new situations for Ann to be in. We've seen her at work and seen Tom being a jerk to her but what else does she do with her time? Maybe she nd Jill could go to a bar or club. Realy liking the story keep it up!
I really enjoy your style and patiently wait for the next installment, however, I really want to read about her upcoming sexual experiences, especially with another woman! It would be interesting if she could pass to another girl a subdued copy of her curse to her friend. And how about some TG element. Thanks for a wonderful story. It's one I'll keep in my library.
If anything, you should be happy your story is getting such valuable feedback. There's a lot of great stuff being said here, and rather than restate what's already been posted, I'll simply thank you for contributing. Thank you!
Merkat hit the nail on the head for me in that post.
The story is engaging, the writing style is good. The characters are consistent, if all somewhat shallow.
You do tend to get fixated on certain topics I think. While we know Tom is a perverted bastard, and that Ann has trouble saying 'no' ... You put them into more or less the same scenario two or three times and going into the minutiae of each encounter made the story dawdle.
Ultimately, I think rather than leaving the story hanging you should have written in a more solid conclusion. That would have gone a long way to giving the chapter a good sense of direction.
Although good on some levels, the story did lull a little, the problem though I feel is that we have a Kingitus here, Stephen King loved to spend nearly a page and then some just describing a pen when he was younger, still does when he goes into lapses...
The issue I see here is background information is fine, but extending it for well beyond two "chapters" can have people waver from the story. I am not saying more sex, and action please, but two complete "chapters" on mental augmentation, and humiliation with nothing else can be a bit meh... sure there was limited breast growth, body modifications, etc, but the story went from walking (chapter 1 to 3) to running (3 - 9), to a crawl (10 - 12) pretty quick...
We know the protagonist in this chapter is an ass, yet we have no indication whatsoever on how Ann is going to get out of this, she has no idea, or anything, nor have we at all for the past nearly three chapters to four chapters at all. Ann has become very flat in my opinion, as a main character goes, I feel nothing towards her if anything happens to her to the most extent.
Now it is not saying that I dislike the story as a whole, but a lull this long in a book would have me put it down, and pick it up at a later date just to say I would finish it. A perfect example of this type of mentality would of been the Inheritance Trilogy books...
Just a comment replying to other posters..A multi-chapter story is going to have a lull here and there. Put another way, an average book has several climaxes, and in reality a story like this should be no different.
This was a change of direction, and one can not make a change like this, and have the climax come in one chapter. It would be absurd. In that context, this chapter was great! It established a change of direction, and much of the story was lead in / character development down this new path.
Great start on the turn, and enjoyable to boot. I can't wait to see what happens to Ann next. :D
one of the best storys i ever read!
I expected a lot more from this much anticipated chapter. Frankly, It was a let down and became very redundant. It completely steered itself away fromt he original story and although an interesting way to do it, it just dragged on for 28 pages taht got no where really.
I know you can do way better than this, honestly this series was amazing (actually one of my favorites) until the last few additions.