A short recollection of a lucid dream I experienced and wrote down several years ago, and only now decided to publish. In it, a girl has supernatural or magical body modification abilities, as well as telepathy. When reading this, there are some weird/random occurrences, but like I said... It's a dream. I've been reading sites like this for a while, so maybe that's some of the inspiration for the original dream... who knows? This is also my first ever submission to a story site like this, so please leave me your honest thoughts on my work; whether it's about the subject matter, my writing style, or anything else, I want to hear about it.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.20
- BE: 3.20
- Characters: 3.60
- Technical: 4.60
Pleasure
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I liked your story a lot. Very good descriptions, And a very pleasuring, erotic story.
I disagree with the comment by the Doob - I like tongue cocks fucking mouth pussies a lot. This place is for all types of such things.
Do keep going !
Ravenlord
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
good story. i rather enjoyed the fact that it was readable and not pocketed with grammer and spelling errors
The Doob.
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
An excellent first effort, Jason. Your grammar and writing style are exemplary compared to a lot of the stuff you'll find in places like this, but your story is flawed mainly by being just that: A story. This is a repository for erotic fiction on a large number of diversely obscure fetishes, and the writer has to keep those fantasies in mind first and foremost if they want to succeed in reaching the audiance to be found here. For example: Someone who comes here for the BE scene and isn't thrilled by tongue cocks and smiling mouth pussies in the middle of their erotic fantasy isn't going to like this story. If you were to storyboard out a few origional scene ideas and produce some material that allowed you freeform creativity and not restricted you to accurately following a bizzare dream, you'd be an excellent new talent. Look at the most popular reading material for any target audiance and then take inspiration from that, because your not gonna find many people who'll give you the kind of constructive criticism you want and it'll be up to you to figure out how to give the readers what they really want. Keep up the good work!
n8
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Not bad. would l8ike more BE. More to Cum?
TD
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Interesting story (dream), not to much BE, but it's OK
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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