First story- Gary discovers he has the power to mold people to his minds desire.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.67
- BE: 3.56
- Characters: 2.89
- Technical: 2.89
Joce37
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
An enjoyable read. I felt that the writer's device of describing in succession both Gary's feelings and that of his 'victims' was successful - it certainly worked for me. I look forward to reading in due course how Gary develops his new-found power.
Eggman
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Good start, not bad for a first story. Occasional grammatical errors, but nothing too detracting. The BE needs more description though - rookie mistake of describing the growth through nothing but lettered cup sizes. Even sports equipment or produce is better (albeit clichéd) as it gives a better mental image. This story has potential - would enjoy seeing more, and more detailed to boot.
Katheb
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
Tis good but it felt that it when into the BE too fast and just Knowing what to do at that time [when he ran outside] seems like the easy way .
not that im a writer or anything .
Good work
cmdr_mark@hotpop.com
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Story needs some defineit work. I can see the potential, but a good editor and some more practice would turn this into a great story.
Multaur
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
DarkPhoenix
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Good Popcorn, Really. But I want the feast...:)
hardwiredd
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
Dinner
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 1
Like Eggman said, just having cups to describe the BE and nothing else seriously hurt the overall effect; but, the nipple part was pretty descript. I like Gary as a character, but you didn't really give him much to do aside from sculpt girls. The plotline was very disappointing. The technical quality kept snagging my attention, so I'm sorry if I was harsher in the other areas than I might have been, for sake of not catching something that I should have. Gary, as a character, has potential. Even though I've seen it before, the "artist who can sculpt women in the same way he draws" is one of my favorite BE concepts.
Benji Dude
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 2
short and sweat, lots of room for expansion, if you'll excuse the pun. I agree with what's been said cup size's aren't great as a form of discribing how large breasts are.
You might want to slow the tempo down a bit as well, it felt like things were going at light speed.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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