The Overflowing Bra

no comment.

Overall

There is also a lot to be learned from looking at the source. Ton Kyrion seems to have done some web design or printing layout at one point or another. If you wonder what I'm talking about, cut and paste some of the story into an ascii text editor and watch what happens.

This is by far the best story I've read of this set (so far), but it's not a stroke piece. Keep that in mind and you'll probably like the story.
BE

Uhm . . . what? There was BE? Oh yeah! Totally forgot about that.
Characters

What this said to me was Victorian, so it's not much of a surprise that we get a better look at the people around the main character/narrator than we do of the narrator. The characters also show glimmerings of distinct voices and speach patterns. Very nice job here. With a bit longer of a story, the players would easily fall into their grooves and become their own people.
Technical

As prose goes, this is a good read. Nice word choices, good imagery, and a snappy pace. Even the presentation is top notch. So why am I about to be a complete asshole? (Modification - I was a complete asshole elsewhere) Because I hate to see writing of this quality marred by sloppy grammar. Ton Kyrion, if it seems like I'm singling you out by not rating this a five, I am. But only because the story deserves it.

I would like to give good prose it's merit due. Not much BE but well written nonetheless.