A woman designs her own fantasy and vents her deepest darkest desires. She finds that every so often, she wants to do something crazy with her body.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.73
- BE: 3.00
- Characters: 3.36
- Technical: 3.64
Above Ground Pools
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
I am getting married on the 15th of November. Congratulate me! Then will be here rarely!...
Kycan12
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
I like where the story is going and you have some great ideas to expand upon.
Ratboy82
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
good job, nice start, keep it up!
Caboose
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Please continue this. I'd really like you to get into the actual transformations.
DarkHeart
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Looking forward to the actual transformations and this was very well written. The story you were looking for is T and A by TSD.
Bill Pratt
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
Overall
Well, you wanted opinions...unfortunately you don’t provide enough material to give opinions on. Taking a hard line, there is absolutely nothing for me to read in this story. There may be in the future, but based on the set itinerary, I doubt it. Frankly this story seems to be deliberately written to hit everything I hate except the pedo squick, so you are better off ignoring my overall mark. If I look at this the softer way, I’d rate this two because it’s not completely odious, yet, but the technical skill hauls it down the rest of the way. As I said earlier, I will not like this story, but others may.
BE
No BE at all. What can I say? This was posted too soon.
Character
None established yet. All we have is a cut-out who wants to be abused and an admittedly bland cyborg. Again, this was posted too soon.
Technical
Here we have the only part of the story that could actually be rated objectively. If English is not your native language, not too bad, but you need an editor. If English is your native language, there is nothing polite I can say other than your paragraphs are of reasonable length and you wisely used a spellchecker.
My grammar is no great shakes and it takes quite a bit to disrupt my reading and make me drop into proofing mode--actually looking for mistakes--but this story succeeded. Raw Grammar I rate a two.
Ignoring the grammar, the way the prose is framed is irritating. The characters do not talk like people and the few non dialogue descriptions are overly wordy and weakly organized.
IceOwl
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
What is this, fucking film school?
I thought it was an excellent beginning. There's some stuff I'm a bit uncomfortable with, but that doesn't make it a bad story. As long as she's asking, nay, demanding it, it's not really rape, is it?
JesterKing
Overall= 4, BE= 1, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I really like where this is going, definatly keep working on it.
Xenomorph
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Great........can't wait to see the rest. :)
DarkPhoenix
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
I must agree on the posted too early comments by others but I like the premise and where it seems to be headed. I will enjoy reading the finished product.(Hell I'll enjoy the next chapter)
TSD
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
Hi, Midnight Tentacle
I wrote the story "T & A", which you referred to at the beginning of your story. I like what where you're going with this, and would be delighted to get a credit. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Please, if anyone else wishs to continue the "T & A" storyline, feel free!
-TSD
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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