Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.00
- BE: 2.50
- Characters: 4.00
- Technical: 3.75
The Mask
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Celery Head
Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
Poor, at best. Keep trying, though.
specs000
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
The story is okay but you need do better. You had the right idea. I think you should re-write and make it better or make seqeul that was better than the first one and learning the other controls of the remote.
Very Good Karma
Overall= 5, BE= 2, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
The bad stuff first: Not enough transformations, and/or not enough description of transformations. But I always go for quality over quantity, even if I like big heaping piles of the former. Describe a little more during the actual moments of growth; try to do both charater's points of view if it's convenient.
The Good stuff: I loved the tone of the story! Playful, experimenting lovers fascinated by their own sexuality. Far too few BE writers write like this. While their wasn't -quite- enough explination behind the remote, you were correct in understanding that the remote is not the point of the story- the breasts are. So come up with some cheap excuse, try very hard not to contradict yourself, but generally, the remote is just a plot device. It's not really important what pseudo-science it operates on.
I really liked where the story was going, and if you feel like continuing the action sometime I'll definitely be happy to read it.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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