My first story ever. I created it out of boredom and I am wondering if its worth continuing. Its about this boy Joey who get a magic bowl that grants wishes.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 2.44
- BE: 2.11
- Characters: 2.56
- Technical: 3.00
ddbldlvr
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
It's just a little on the short side, but good.
Lava Not
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
It's just a little on the unoriginal side, but not good.
Critical Critic
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
You might want to look up the word "electrocuted".
Good start, keep it going!
WhatsTheProblem
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Not Bad, Not Great. Practice makes perfect. Please Continue.
PS No Cliff hangers. I redownload the story cause I thought it should have more at end
Farscaper
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 2
Ok for a first try. But it just kinda stops in the middle. Defenitly needs an ending. Keep trying!
IceOwl
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
"Rubik's Cube of underwear"
That's hilarious :)
spaz
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Benji Dude
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
A good start but you picked the worst place to stop! Like others have said it needs an ending, keep up the work.
Mopey
Overall= 3, BE= 1, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Your writing style is great, and you have created characters with promise.
Please consider putting as much detail into the desctiption of the too-short BE scene as you did into describing the bowl. It's not enough to say "newly volley-ball sized breasts". Describe how they are shaped, how the move, how they fit in her clothes... does she always remember having them that large? or is she astonished with the magic? Do Joey and Pete notice the difference, or does just Joey, since he was the spellcaster? (This could be slightly amusing if Pete only remembers the altered reality -- "Hey man, I thought you said that this would give her bigger breasts, but they are the same volley ball size that they always have been!")
Whatever you do, just do it *more*.
Good luck
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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